Sunday 26 March 2006

Pic of the day: Drunk college girls from the anime Suzuka. This entry however is named after an imaginary car swerving from one shoulder of the road to the other.

Swerve

I woke up in the morning (from dreaming about some guy carrying around a very drunk and sleepy college girl, incidentally) and suddenly saw yesterday's entry through the eyes of a random stranger. It read like this: If only I could get some hot loving, I'd drop this pathetic excuse for a lifestyle and become a "family Sim"; but alas this will never happen.

I guess it could be read that way, but that was not what I meant to say. I've not been lying all the time when I said that I love this life, that there is no one alive on Earth who I would like to swap with. What I mean is, I kinda got it ready-made. I suppose other single Christians have had to mortify their flesh and make agonizing choices, the outcome of which they could not know before they had made them and firmly committed themselves to them. For me, the choice was really made before I was even born, although it took a long time before I could make myself fully believe it. After all, everyone else seemed to have these choices, at least every guy without a babyface and a high piping voice...

In a way I thought I had too, but I didn't really. It was just socializing, running with the herd. Perhaps gays do that before they come out of the closet. Obviously I have a different closet than them. More like a phone booth?

I assume that the famous bachelor philosophers of old, such as Immanuel Kant and Søren Kierkegaard, had my gift for enjoying life alone but not my "curse" for not getting together. But I don't really know. Paul the Apostle, who probably counts in here, seems to have the Gift, but being a more decent person than me doesn't give much details. So I suppose we'll never know. We do know that he wrote that "the other apostles and Barnabas" were married, so he must have been acutely aware of being different too.

But "never know" is not something history will say about me, at least. I may not be an important person, but at least I am a well documented one. How unique I am, or how much I have in common with others, we'll never know until they disrobe their soul as much as I have done.

After this, we'll return to your regularly scheduled non-embarrassing entries for a while. But don't let your guard down... Each day is a special day at the Chaos Node!