Sunday 6 January 2008

Pic of the day: Why am I not enjoying myself in a more idiotic manner? After all, that's what I used to do. I guess I still do, by the standard of the grandparent generation, which people my age are joining en masse now. Still, I have definitely changed, for better or for worse.

Less playful

This may seem like a weird thing to say in a month dominated by blue entries, but I notice that I am much less playful than I was when I started this journal. My sense of humor is reduced. Even my computer games now are pretentious, with me being an angel to my sims and discussing with them the nature of time and reality. This isn't because I want to appear solemn and get applause; in the sims community, lolcats get more applause than metaphysics. It is I who have somehow changed.

I play The Sims 2 pretty much daily, and I usually have fun playing it. But even when not, I tend to play it anyway, because I am blogging my Sims stories and if possible I want to have a new story up each week in my Sims journal. (I am catching up here now, that's why there are so many of them.) I have switched to taking screenshots with a special graphics program, which requires me to go through a certain procedure for each screenshot rather than just pressing C. I usually turn off the diamond over their heads with a cheat code and angle the camera to not show the lack of ceiling, I order to make it look more realistic, not because it is fun. That is not to say I don't have fun, but I also feel an obligation to deliver some quality. It is a bit of a mix.

In the past, I was good at making people laugh. Now, I probably am not. It is hard to say, since I don't try as much, and anyway I don't hang out with people so I don't see how they react. There is also the small detail that I rarely laugh myself. Like, not every month probably. Laughing alone is a bit like writing on your food: It is possible, but you feel really strange doing it and it doesn't serve any purpose. (And yes, I frequently wrote on my sandwiches when I was young. Preferably with mayonnaise.)

When I was young, I sought out jokes, for instance in Reader's Digest which my relatives subscribed to. When I visited them, I would quietly go through Reader's Digest and read all the jokes. That's a while ago, obviously. Now, I don't even read the free jokes that abound on the Internet. I will read if a friend sends me a joke, because people's choice of jokes are an expression of their personality, and it is natural to want to know your friends better. But that's it, mostly. There are still certain forms of humor that can make me laugh, most notably children's essays about various aspects of life. I still find these hilarious. That doesn't mean I actually seek them out though. Generally I go through my days having forgotten what laughter is. It is not like depressed people who can't have fun. I can have fun, and I can even laugh, it just doesn't interest me much.

One playful feature that probably won't be missed much is the monthly buttpic. A good-natured homage to pioneers like Jennicam, GabGab and Soyarat, all of which were important to me getting started with my JPG diary, I don't think it would make sense to most people who have entered the Web over the last ten years. They'd probably go WTF?? and in any case it was getting forced. It just doesn't fit my style anymore. I've held on to a couple good pics just in case, but don't hold your breath. You may still find the occasional well-rounded sim though. And perhaps City of Heroes.

Of course, it is a well known fact that the more solemn and pretentious someone is, the more funny it is to see them make an ass of themselves. But I think that works best when it's not intentional. I am sure you will find something. A pair of Freudian slippers, perhaps, or a rant about other people's stupidity marred by grade-school level speling misstakes. I know I've done that in the past. Watch this space.