Friday 17 November 2006

Pic of the day: Picture from the apartment I almost lived in. Here I had set up my spare computer in what was meant to be a kitchen.

Here or there

A year ago, I wrote about the new apartment I had found. The regular reader will notice that I now live in a house, rather than a tiny apartment. This is because things went horribly wrong: After having paid rent for 3 months and moved over much of the stuff I wanted to keep, I could not move in after all, because the new house owner saw the stuff I had not yet driven away to the landfill, and panicked. In truth, the place was a bit on the small side for me. Also, he was a neat freak, although he probably thought that was perfectly normal. (It may well be, when you have a stay-at-home wife.) So it would probably not have worked out in any case. Probably not. But what if?

I liked the place. I liked the location, definitely. The terrain was more varied, and I had 18 minutes walk to the bus, compared to 8 here and 12 where I lived the previous 20 years. This would have provided some extra exercise by itself, and the terrain there also invited to it. (It doesn't here... the hills are too large and too steep and too far away.) Also, having lived in the area for a generation, I knew my way around far and wide. It was within easy walking distance from the sea in the summer. So it was a lovable place, as far as location is concerned. And it came with a cat. The former owner had tried in vain to bring it with him, but the cat returned to its former home. I had planned to take him in. I am not allergic, I just find pets unhygienic and poor company. Cats are fairly self-sufficient, or at the least self-entertained, so I guess I could live with that. But that didn't come to pass. I have no idea where the cat is now.

I wonder how it would have influenced me, to live in such a small place. I would have had to throw away even more than I did (which was a lot), but not much more. I would still have lived in pretty cramped conditions, but in truth even here I barely use the large living room, and not at all the lawn. I barely use the large living room, which still has furniture from the owner's grandparents, but instead spend my days in the home office (former parents' bedroom) and sleep in a smaller bedroom (formerly children's). The home office is probably smaller than that living room in the basement, and the bedroom is not much larger than the bedroom there was. There is more wardrobe room, though, which is nice since I have a lot of clothes. Still, things are not nearly as cramped here at Kaosnodeland as they were in the original Chaos Node.

I still have bags and a few crates not opened since I moved. If I move again and have not yet opened them, it is probably a good hint that they are not worth keeping. I did that last time I moved, too.

There would have been more of a sense of continuity there. Taking the same bus to work that I had done for 20 years. Shopping groceries in the same shop that I was used to (though not for 20 years... my previous favorite closed down a few years ago). Taking my walk along the same roads, seeing the same familiar sights. Still, ridding myself of a ton of stuff (literally, I'm afraid) would surely have had an impact somehow.

For the first months after the botched move, a part of me felt that I "should have" lived in that other place. I had familiarized myself with it before I moved, intentionally, taking in the sights, walking the surrounding paths, spending time there daily so the change should not be so drastic. I have read that the shock of moving increases mortality quite noticeably, even when it is voluntary. Not as much as the death of a family member, or even the birth of one, but still quite a bit. I wanted to reduce the impact as much as possible, so as to not shave precious days off my short human lifespan. Well, so much for that!

I wonder. Would my life had been better, or worse, or just different if I had lived in that other place? I just don't know, and never will. But it is intriguing that even then, I questioned my own motives. And yet, if I had the time to go through my usual channels, I would not been here, and not gotten used to having a whole house to myself. I would have had months to find a nice basement, such as I have always lived in after I became an adult, and never even seriously considered this. Life is strange. But pleasant. ^_^