Thursday 31 May 2007

Pic of the day: Topical picture, this time from Smallville.

Kinda sad dream

I dreamed that I woke up. (This happens to me occasionally. In fact, I once dreamed that I woke up, then woke up from that dream, before I finally woke up to real life...)

In my dream, I woke up in an unfamiliar room. My father was in a corner reading a book. On the small table beside my bed was a small slip of paper, typewritten (or Courier font at least) and in terse, abbreviated medical terms it said that I had untreatable cancer and the prognosis was 6-8 weeks. I wasn't too happy about that, and I thought about my journal that was about to come to an end. I was also curious about what kind of cancer, but the slip didn't specify that. Then the clock radio woke me up for real.

I don't think I saw my mother in the dream, but she was also alive in that world. In the real world, of course, she died from cancer a few years ago. Is the dream simply a reflection on that? I hope it is not my body trying to tell me something. Because in that case, my body sucks at expressing itself clearly.

Incidentally, in some matters, so did my parents. If there were things they had trouble talking about, like sex, they would leave me a book on the subject. Unfortunately, in a manner of speaking, the dream scenario is not as farfetched as it sounds, if such a thing had happened in my younger days. I briefly wonder how much like this I am myself, without knowing it. After all, my dreams are composed entirely by my own brain. In a manner of speaking, I not only write the script but am all the actors.

I wonder if that sadness from the dream is what I will really feel when my life draws to an end. Somehow I think there may be other things that come to mind than the journal. Then again... there are many marriages that have not lasted as long as this journal. And there are many spouses who don't know each other as well as you can know me. And while I may be skipping more days as I grow older, I suspect that I will keep writing till death do us part.