Friday 16 March 2001

Pic of the day: The shimmering thing seen through the forest is the river that runs through the valley here before joining the ocean. Hey, I knew this picture would come in handy some day! My brother probably has seen this river a few hundred times, since it runs past the agronomy school where he spent a couple years. Oh, and his wife too. Hi! It's a small world, and especially Søgne! :)

Going with the flow

There is a river rolling to the sea
you will be with her for all eternity.
But we that remain need you here again;
so hold her in your memory
and begin to make the shadows disappear.

Yes, let it start, my friend, let it start,
let the love come rolling from your heart.
And when you need a light
in the lonely night
carry me like a fire in your heart.

Chris de Burgh, Carry me (like a fire)

***

I talked with my brother, the one who lives on the farm. We agreed that I would come there on Monday. I will leave here at Sunday afternoon, travel all night and take the morning boat from Bergen, if all goes well. The funeral is on Thursday, though the family will gather on Wednesday. So I had not actually needed to take today off. No regrets, though. I got some sleep and took time to write some personal stuff. More personal than this, even.

I was invited to visit some christian friends. (This was before anyone knew that my mother was deceased). Under the circumstances, I chose to not go. I have an idea how awkward this can be. And I'm not in a mood to roleplay the grieving son any more than I do here, thank you very much. We'll see how I handle this when I come to the home where I grew up. I still don't think I'm going to wail loudly and throw ashes upon my head, but I guess things will seem a bit closer.

On the bright side, I fully intend to bring my camera again. And the portable, of course. And Cassie. I guess I should download a good Ebook before I go on a 20-hour trip. Utopia perhaps? I've heard about Utopia since I was a child, but never read it yet.

***

I've mailed SuperWoman, just in case. Last fall when I suddenly hared off to the west coast, she did not know and tried to call me at home. Somehow the phone was not redirected to my mobile. Perhaps the redirection only works with Telenor, the former monopoly who owns the phone central. I use Tele2 for my calls (they are much cheaper on Germany) and Netcom for my mobile phone (because they are much cheaper on Internet, but you have to have a mobile account to get it). This time I think SuperWoman will be in New York until after I'm back home, but for some reason I failed to get the exact dates.

I don't miss her much, either. I never miss anyone much. Everything that has been, continues to be. Nothing ceases to exist. The land seems to sink in the sea when you sail out, but it is an illusion. You move, the land doesn't. In the same way we go forward in time, but the past remains. True, we can only visit it in our mind; but even that is a very generous gift. I doubt that even the brightest ape can do that. We do not just recognize, we actively let our mind leave the present for a while to dwell on what was. I sometimes wish I had a more godlike mind, able to wander freely the vastness of time and space. But as the English say, "don't look a gift horse in the mouth".

***

In the evening, I for some obscure reason felt like turning on the stereo. The radio started to sing a nice song in Norwegian, about angels in the snow. It was a strange song, because the chorus was more like some lovesong stuff. But it was perfectly nice and I heard all of it. In particular I loved the line that angels in the snow leave when the spring comes, without sorrow. Now, I cannot truly vouch for that, having never actually been an angel in the snow. But it sounds likely.

Of course, we are a bit more substantial than that, and like to be. Still, I guess we should get used to the fact that our present form is not permanent. And I guess that means we should each strive to be ourselves while we are here. If you are not yourself, who will be?