Freeday 2 March 2001

Pic of the day: I bought them all on the Net!

Useful normals

In the computer game Daggerfall, becoming a werewolf confers great strength and combat skills. But there is a downside. Once or twice per game month, you get this message: You feel the need to hunt the innocent, and then the game starts to exact penalties until you comply. Luckily I have no such compulsion in real life (such as it is); but there may be a vaguely similar price to pay for my mental strength and agility: You feel the need to mock the normals...

Today was one of those days; but I got help to resist the temptation. In the afternoon, my stomach started to "burn". I had been hungry enough to try out a single-sized ready meal, just add boiling water. Pasta with herbs and cheese! But it tasted unpleasantly sharp, a burning sensation without any particular taste. I ate it all up since I had paid for it, but you can bet I won't ever attempt that again. Even if I had not begun to hurt a couple hours later. I make unbelievably much better pasta with herbs and cheese myself. This was barely suited for prison food ... human rights organizations should protest if it was used regularly for anyone less than the most hardened criminals. OK, I guess you get the drift by now.

The micro-dinner is my prime suspect, though half a bottle of Ice Cola probably didn't help any. I had to drown the taste with something, though. I haven't heard of anyone dying from instant food here in Norway at least, but be warned. This stuff is bad. But at least being sick keeps me reasonably humble, which I could really use today.

***

A recent poll revealed that 31% of Norwegians consider themselves at high or very high risk of being infected from BSE (mad cow disease). It is worth noticing that there has not been found a single mad cow in Norway or its immediate neighbors (though Denmark have had somewhere like 4, I think). Even in England when thousands and thousands of mad cows roamed about, the risk of getting the prion disease was less than choking on a piece of beef and dying that way. In Norway, which imports very little meat, the risk is on the same scale as being hit by lightning while hiding under your bed.

Add this to the casual notice that Norwegian Internet traffic reaches a fever peak in the morning when the participants in our "Big Brother" Web/TV program use the showers ... and my worst prejudices about normals seem comfirmed.

These are the days that I feel nearly guilty about not having passed on my vastly superior genes wherever there was a chance to do so without being arrested. It is hard to imagine how this could do anything but radically improve the gene pool, which is now taking on a sickening yellow color in the shallow end.

But then I remind myself that these people not just pay my salary; they also provide me with a virtually free Internet. OK, they might have paid my salary even if they were bright as bulbs, though it is far from certain. But the Net, at least as it is today, depends on the not too bright normals to pay for it. I'll explain.

***

In principle, I support advertising on the Net. This vast network was not delivered to us by angels or by flying saucers. It was built, and still is, with money. Someone has to pay. As a user, I only pay for using my telephone to connect. The Net itself is free. But there is no such thing as a free Net. The ads, by and large, pay our bills.

The alternative to advertising would be subscription, in which you pay for accessing a certain website or group of websites. But the hassle and the cost makes this impractical for small amounts, and nobody wants to pay large amounts. Instead, companies pay for displaying their ads on our screens.

Now it stands to reason that they would not pay for this privilege unless someone actually bought something. Fame can only carry you so far; sooner or later you need cash. But they are not likely to get that from me. Remember, I really like the concept of online advertising. I would respond to their ads, given the chance. If they had a product that I could possibly use, at a price that I could afford, I would be happy to follow up on it. But years of looking at the ads have shown me that they are almost always worthless.

"10.000+ vacation houses" ... well, OK, it's not exactly appealing to the basest of instincts, but it is definitely not something a philosopher warms to. "Who do you kiss at midnight?" Eww! Mushy stuff! This must be a dating service. Do I look like I'd date a stranger? Wait, don't answer that. Besides, it's probably American anyway. Almost all ads refer to some goods or services available only in the USA, or elsewhere at much cost and hassle. "Gotham Girls" ... OK, I followed this one. It's an online cartoon, as expected, and quite cute too. I'm sure they want to achieve something by giving it away for free, and even paying to make people see it. Perhaps they sell action figures or something ... but not to me. Nor am I likely to buy an Opel or want a large unsecured credit. "Start your own online business" - again, I tried, but it was just another pyramid scam.

As you can see, the Internet would wither and die if it had to rely on customers like me. This beautiful world of pure information depends on people with an insatiable lust for material goods, and the gullibility to let their minds bend in this direction or that by a flashing colored sign. While I'm certainly no Dalai Lama, neither am I a good cash cow for online advertisers. This is where normal people come in handy, they pay my bills. I'd say "thank you", but I know none of them would find their way here...

Even if they exist at all.