Sunday 29 July 2007

The spirit craves

Yes, that is a quote from the New Testament, at least in some translations, and refers to the conflict I mentioned on Friday: "The spirit craves against the flesh, and the flesh against the spirit. They stand one against another so that we may not do what we will." But I dare say this is not limited to Christians. Thank God for that! ^^

Nor is the "flesh", the egocentric nature, limited to sex. Of course not! Any part of our life that has become split off early in development and which we don't feel comfortable with, any such part is likely to be used as a wedge against the craving of the spirit. It could be food, especially in women. It could be anger, perhaps especially in men. Obsessions, compulsions, addictions - anything that is hard to handle, anything that does not stand the light of day too well - all these things can be used to block the craving of the spirit. But "the spirit makes itself known in the soul as a drive" to quote C.G. Jung (actually I have not read it in English, but it should be a pretty good translation). It has its own focus and it is not happy when turned away. So we simply cannot do what we will, which is to play The Sims 2.

OK, that will obviously vary, not just from one person to the next but also over time. But the point is, contrary to what you might think from my journal, I am not solely interested in The Sims 2, City of Heroes and the American economy. Well, and high school anime, if you also consider the pictures. Entertainment (which my fingers just tried to spell emptytainment) is quick and easy to write about, and there are always people who enjoy reading about it. I think you can also learn quite a bit about me from my Sims and my heroes, and perhaps some from what anime I watch. (Though you would probably be misled if you judged me by that, since the best anime are not always the ones that yield the best screenshots.) But there are other currents running through my life that get less screen time.

That my sexual urges get little screen time is reasonable, since there is little I can do with them, things being what they are. And since some of those constraints are physical as well, there should not be need for anyone to worry. Still, there is no need to talk about it excessively. I have given enough samples of my dreams in red entries through the years, I think, though I may return with more if I find something really newsworthy. For the most part, though, I'm choosing my confessions so I don't come across as more obsessed than I am. (Not very much for a man, I think.)

But my religion gets even less screen time, and for an entirely different reason. It too is hidden from daylight for the most part, but this is because my religion requires it. Because of the natural human tendency toward hypocrisy, Jesus asks his followers to not pray in public or do penance in public. But also because it is a deeply personal, even intimate thing between a man and his god. After all, the Spirit touches our spirit more directly than a human body can touch another. There is no connection as intimate, the closest perhaps being the first time a baby locks its mother's gaze, soul to soul.

It is probably not random that Buddhism has a much more extensive literature than Christianity or Judaism when it comes to documenting their spirituality. I think we tend to be shy about it precisely because it is so personal. Buddhism does not have personal gods, but a more objective approach. Is that better? In some ways yes, and I don't mind sneaking into their shrines and absconding with some valuable insight. But on the other hand, I think it was a stroke of genius for God to assume a human interface and meet us as a person. We are already very much specialized in the personal interaction. From our first interactions with the world as babies, we quickly start relating as a person to another, first with our mother but soon with others around us. Our psyche is in many ways built around this. So if the eternal Spirit wants to communicate - or even commune - with us, assuming the form of a person makes the most sense.

Be that as it may, the spirit craves. At various times, at various stages, its cravings may differ. But for me, now, it craves a sort of quiet. Not a literal silence, though that is certainly better than loud noises. But a quiet inside. A coming to rest from the frenzy of playing, the frenzy of buying, the frenzy of working, the frenzy of planning and wishing and daydreaming. The vital mind is always working on something. It remembers the past, it plans for the future, it evaluates and judges. "If only", "and then", such words belong to the vital mind. This mind is never at rest, always trying to better our lot in the world. In the end, we shall have to leave the world after all; but while we stay, this most active part of the natural psyche is doing its best on our behalf.

I believe that the goal of all religions and all spiritual traditions is the "eternify" the soul. This deserves a book all in itself. Some people think they already have an immortal soul. That is not really true. They have an immortal spirit, but they are a mortal soul. The very fact that they think of the soul as an object shows this confusion. My soul is I. My memories, my emotions, my habits, all of these things make up my soul. It clings to the body (and a good thing too, or our species would soon be extinct). But the body is temporary. Very nice to have, but temporary. What I call "eternifying" the soul means a migration over into the eternal realm of spirit.

Another thing that deserves a book is the Bridge of Quiet. For now, let me just state that as far as I can see, all serious spiritual traditions - while starting very far apart - all converge well before the end. They converge on the concept of inner quiet. This is the bridge that finally starts taking us from the bouncing waves of the ever changing outer world, into the firm ground of the timeless spirit. Where even molehills sent us flying, years in the quiet (the metaphorical "desert") lets us pass far rougher terrain before we capsize. The end is in a sense really Nirvana, "where no wind blows". But it extinguishes only the restless vital mind which was anyway bound to the body. The heart has moved on to a safe harbor, safe from the storms of the outer world and the heaving waves they created in the restless psyche.

Rather than roll with the vital mind in every way and then expect to suddenly upon death find myself on the other shore, it makes more sense to me to start moving already here in this life. Certainly this is what the spirit craves. It calls me to come over, not waiting for the death of the physical body, to start going into the quiet, into what is to the outer mind a frightening silence, a scary darkness, but which is rest to the heart.

For reasons I don't yet know, the spirit seems to think of writing my journal as a spiritual practice rather than an entertainment like the games or the anime. At this point in time, it seems to endorse it eagerly. Not all entries equally, of course. You can probably guess which are the most and the least aligned with the work of the spirit.

I am not really a man of extremes, though this may be hard to believe when I live a life so different from those around me. I would be happy to spend untold years eating noodles and playing The Sims 2. But the spirit craves, desires, yearns and pulls me toward the quiet inside, while the flesh craves physical pleasures, intense entertainment to drown my thoughts in. None of them wants to let me do what I will, to sit down to eat and get up to play. Which will win out in the end? Watch this space.