Sunday 25 February 2001

Pic of the day: I wouldn't normally do this kind of thing, stealing someone else's drawing. But since it is a drawing of me (or rather, my online persona) I'll take the chance. Drawn by the multitalented Delphina, self-declared "anime child of the artistic persuation" and "hyper-active otaku girl extraordinaire", the same one that pointed me in the direction of japanese cartoons. :)

Guilty innocence

Today started by yesterday not ending. The Refluxers were trying out their own IRC channel (Internet Relay Chat) and I talked with my online friends (or some such) till 6 in the morning. That's a bit over the top even for me. I did catch a couple hours of sleep after that, but not a lot.

During the day I was not at all sleepy, because it was not a workday! Work can make me sleepy. But being at home is too exciting to sleep! It's hard to be sleepy when you do what you want to do. There are my computers, where I can read and write and play and learn. Like a big child, am I? I guess so. I know I've been growing up a bit these last few years, but I'm still a big child too. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I can't decide.

***

I seem to get along best with those who are quite a bit younger than me. It is not a demand, at work I get along better with those my own age really. (Of course, it may be because we've worked together for 20 years so we start to know each other just a little bit.) On my free time and online, I tend to hang out with people younger than me. I grow older, but the age of my friends remain about the same ... it's just that old friends fade and new come.

In part, let us face it and be done with it, it is because people become parents (often to their great surprise) and marry and devote the next few decades to earning money so they can have the biggest possible house for their children and the best possible toys for their children and computers for their children and fashion clothes for their children and a car for their children ... and then the children move out and have their own children and then you die. Because I don't get children (or die trying), I remain like the young ones. Carefree, even innocent in a way.

The other day I saw a picture of Delphina, the hyper anime girl of happiness. Delphina is of course not her real name, just a screen name. We roleplay sometimes on the forum, as I've briefly mentioned. It was just a self portrait, but she's good at it. She looked so innocent! I almost felt ashamed of myself. But of course, that's how they look. I wouldn't be surprised if there are ways in which I am more innocent than she is. Then again, my innocence is chosen, what there is of it. It is a result of choosing away some things to allow other things. It's not really the same as the original innocence that is born of ignorance.

Knowledge is power, and power corrupts?

***

How graceful your movements, how bitter your scorn!
I've been a teenager since before you were born.
I'm younger than some,
I've only begun.
Young offender, what's your defense?
You're younger than me - obviously.
Will I get in your way or open your eyes?
Who will give whom the bigger surprise?

Young Offender by Pet Shop Boys.

(Incidentally, I was introduced to this song by my 18 years younger best friend, back when she was a teen.)

***

I should have moved on with the others, shouldn't I? Breed and work hard and die worn-out, not hang out with hyperactive anime kids and ... and ... hey, since I'm online anyway, I can check if Del and Elvengrrl are on ... just a few minutes ... more ...