Thursday 2 August 2001

Pic of the day: If I created a world overflowing with life and beauty, how would I like if people rejected it out of hand as something evil? God knows.

Nirvana or nothing?

No, I am not talking about the psychotic pop band whose main claim to fame is the particularly ugly suicide of one of its members. I'm talking about the supposed goal of Buddhism.

And the reason why I thought about it was the stuff I mentioned yesterday, about how it seemed that piece by piece, my life is dropping off until there will eventually be nothing left: No interests, no hopes, no attractions in this world.

Is that really so? And if so, is it a good thing or a bad thing?

***

In Buddhism, the goal of the religion (or rather philosophy) is not eternal life in some kind of paradise, like we see in the large monotheist religions, Judaism and its descendants. (Actually I don't think it is all that crystal clear in Judaism either. Jews feel free to correct me on this.) In contrast, Nirvana (or Nibbana in Pali) is eternal nothingness. Dispelling the illusion of self.

Intriguingly, many christian mystics take an approach strikingly similar to Buddhism: They long to lose themselves and go up in God forever. And for this purpose, they distrust all material possessions and all earthly hopes and plans, which may distract them and bind them to things outside God. Do I have a hair of the hide? Possibly. I am a mystic, and I can hardly help it. My experience makes it so. I cannot deny what my soul has seen.

Yet the promise of christianity, as expressed in its holy book, is resurrection from the dead. And certainly most christians expect to live on in a paradise, either through physical resurrection or in some kind of virtual reality provided by God. (And some believe that all reality is a virtual reality provided by God, and exists only in his mind. This neatly bypasses the distinction, but is kind of disturbing once you think hard about it.)

Now if the promise of our religion is to live forever, why would we want to NOT live while we definitely do so?

***

I've often enough listed the things that have dropped off from my life. For instance: I used to love cars, even just being a passenger in an old van. Now I could probably buy a decent used car, but I don't even consider it. Similar things happened with houses. But I still buy computers!

I think that until recently I believed that I might possibly fall in love. Or at least that other people might think so. From some of the earlier journal entries, I get this impression very strongly, and that was not long ago. Now, it seems ridiculous. I might as well start casting magic spells. So anything concerning dating, romance, marriage, sex and family life is simply so much birdwatching. But that may be just a side effect of my age. Not all parts of my life may be shed so easily.

And I still play computer games. I don't buy as many as I did (from one or two each month down to one or two every year) but I don't see what would stop me from playing as long as I have eyes and hands. Well, except direct divine intervention. I suppose you will be the first to know.

And I still buy a few comic books. Interestingly, I prefer those that are about groups of friends interacting: Strangers in Paradise, Young Justice, Gen 13. And yes, I still have some contact with other people, only now more of it is electronic: IRC, web forums, mailing lists. And I really have no plans to stop interacting with people. Especially now that it is so easy.

Intriguingly, the later so famous Jesus hinted that we should use our money to get friends here in this world, because they would receive us in the eternal dwellings. It sounds like he envisioned an afterlife where old friends would remember you and greet you when you met beyond. Not a bodyless, soul-less extinguishing of personality. You see, the pun is that Nirvana is nothing. Eternal nothingness, what else is that than eternal death? I may have lowered my goals a lot, but I still love life, and would love to live forever.

More about my life here and now Really Soon Now, I hope ...