Freeday 3 August 2001

Pic of the day: Don't give in to the temptation to go color shopping! Sure, bright primary colors are great, but anything except fuchsia goes. Let's face it, "Fuchsia Avenger" just doesn't cut it.

Choosing the right supermate

Things were easier when our grandparents were young. Back then, there was only Superman, and he was spending his time saving the world anyway. Now it's the 21th century, and the planet is teeming with mutants, metahumans, gen-actives, harbingers and SPBs, quite apart from all the aliens. Picking the right marriage partner is not just a question of chest size and bank account anymore. No wonder so many young supers are confused!

Before we look into the details, there is one thing we must hold firmly in mind. Dating can be fun, even if she wants to watch Judge Dredd while he would prefer Titanic. But when all is said and done, it's all about the children. Remember: If just your parents had not got together and done the un-Republican thing, you would not be here today. Therefore, before you commit yourself, you should always keep in mind what this means for your future children. Is your Super-mate really the other parent you wish for your kids?

(Of course, there are a few other considerations too. For instance, girls: The guy with super-speed may look good on the football field; but on your wedding night you may wish you had given that mind-reader a second chance instead...)

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So, what should you look for in a mutant mate? The simplest answer is: Whatever complements your own powers. For instance, if you're known as Fire Boy, Heat Girl is probably not "Miss Right" for you. Well, unless you plan to live near a fireproof kindergarten. On the other hand, Ice Girl may not be the obvious choice that you first thought ... there is not much demand for heroes who can project lukewarm rays from their eyes.

Flying is always good. This is really a no-brainer: Who wants to be stuck in traffic? It also alleviates most problems with living on the top floor. Of course, long distance teleportation is even faster, but also adds a whole new dimension to the question: "Do you know where your children are?" Settle for flying while you have the chance.

Heat vision can be a problem if it manifests too early in childhood. But generally it is very useful: When your kids move out, you won't have to buy them a microwave. Also saves a lot on the heating bill. However, if air conditioning is the main part of the utility bills, you may wish to look for cold blasts instead.

Invulnerability is also a good buy at any price, as they say. It can be hard to discipline an invulnerable toddler, but you save yourself a world of worry when they're out playing. Though regeneration or mutant healing factors may do this trick just as well and with a bit more humility.

You'd think super-strength would be right up there, but I disagree. It's OK for mutants who only come into their powers after puberty sometime. But for kids? Apart from needing a super-tough mother to carry the child to term, there is the cost of reinforcing all the walls and furniture with adamantium. And the possible lawsuits when your kid has thrown a temper tantrum and accidentally flattened the mall ...

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Super-senses may be second tier, but they're still useful. There will always be job openings for people with such gifts, at the very least at the customs office and as private investigators. Yes, X-ray vision and super-hearing can both be uncomfortable if you don't want your kids to learn how to "summon the stork" until they're 18. But if you have a TV in the house, this is hardly a viable route anyway.

Invisibility also comes in handy for a private investigator, but invisible children can really make a mess! They'll be all over the place, and you never know what they are doing. Unless you are a good telepath, this one may be more trouble than it is worth. The same is true to a lesser extent for shape changers. Of course, if they always turn into a green cat, they are easy enough to keep track of. But kids that can turn into chairs when your in-laws come visiting ... nah.

Electricity powers are right out. Donning rubber boots and gloves every time you have to change diapers can get old really fast. And chances are they'll burn out fuses rather than save on the utility bills when they grow old enough to experiment with the grid. A high voltage romance can be exciting to say the least, but don't let it get serious.

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I hope you got some interesting impulses from this little article, and be sure to watch this space for the upcoming Special Feature article: Dining with aliens!

(Oh, and there's a new burb in town! If you like the comic book lovers at Bags & Boards, tell them I said hi! :)