Tuesday 16 October 2007

Pic of the day: Konata is talking about books here, but to me life really is full of words. Usually.

Short: At loss for words

After I had slept all evening, I was awake in the night, doing my various hobbies. I started going through my LiveJournal icons and adding the source, usually anime. But gradually I noticed that I could not remember the names of the anime, some of which were among my favorites. I looked around, and many other names and words (at least nouns) were just gone. I knew they were there, but I had no idea what they were. It was as if the hard disk of my brain was full, but the file names were corrupted. (This happened a lot in the age of MS-DOS, but mostly to floppies.) I could not tell their names anymore, even though I knew the content.

This lasted until I went to bed. If anything, it progressed, more and more words disappearing. It was a strange feeling. I felt normal otherwise. I wasn't sleepy even if it was in the small hours of the night, since I had already slept quite a bit. It was just the words that were fading.

I know I have written about one similar episode in the past. I wonder if it will someday happen for real. The words will just be gone, and I will be alone with reality without a narrative. I am somewhat familiar with this, voluntarily, during meditation. It does not scare me, and did not this time either. But obviously if it lasted, it would mean the end of my job, not to mention my journal.