Monday 9 October 2000

Pic of the day: Been re-reading this book today. Not that I had forgotten.

Kingdom come

Woke up snapping for air again this morning. On the bright side, it was at the end of a long complicated dream which was right then turning overly erotic. I guess I was starting to breathe heavily or something, because at that point I noticed that it was hard to breathe at all and so I woke up. Good for something!

However, the cramps that have bothered me on and off the last several years made a visit today. I guess I might do some personal stress reduction work at home. Find some more relaxing activities to do, for instance. A coloring book instead of fascinating computer games. Games tend to keep you a bit on the edge of your seat. Coloring books sure don't. Perhaps I should try my hand at some "snail mail" - pen and paper - instead of e-mail, for a change. But it is hard to fight the need for immediate, strong gratification. Fast food for the soul.

It was bad enough that I took a day off from work. Hope I can be there tomorrow, as I understand that is when the phone central people will try again. That could be interesting. :)

***

Memories of that last dream came back to me during the day. They are not fit for a family-friendly diary entry, and besides that kind of excitement does nothing good for my cramps. I went and read Kingdom Come instead. Despite the pious title, it is actually a trade paperback version of DC Comics' famous limited series, featuring the possible future of the world in which Superman & Co live. While hardly a holy scripture, it is sort of thought-provoking. At least to us who tend to think anyway.

I see the proliferation of super-powered people as a symbol of the increasing power that we humans wield. Year by year, mankind wields stronger and stronger influence over the planet we live on. Gradually, we exploit new resources, tap more energy, invent new technologies for good and bad. When these things were new and shiny, we felt a certain awe for them. Nuclear power, for instance. The first use of the atomic bomb changed us as a species. It gave us a new fear, but also a feeling of having to grow up. And the space age, bringing us the first pictures of our blue ball hanging there in the void ...

Today, we can alter the genes; we are observing planets in other star systems (even if indirectly, yet). And we may be on the brink of creating the first man-made black hole by 2005 - an event that just might mean the end of our planet, without a trace, for ever and ever.

In Kingdom Come, the myriad new superheroes turn out to be less than heroic. They battle each other with reckless abandon, they fight for domination, they forget the heroic ideals of the golden age. A mighty judgement is coming - but who is to be judged? And who is to choose? A nice read, and fabulous artwork too. It is not often I reread a comic book, having a very good memory for stories. But I did read this one.

***

In the evening, on old friend called. (Well, not nearly as old as I.) Being one of the serious Christians commonly known as "Smith's Friends", he was of course mindful of the situation in the Middle East. When last I heard, most of these people believe that the end of the current times will come after certain events have taken place in Jerusalem. No surprise then that they follow this situation closely.

But of course this was not why he was calling. His computer was acting up. It is extremely rare that I hear from these people unless their computers are breaking down somehow. Which is just too bad, I guess, but then again they don't hear much from me either. I've drawn back from so many things over the years, have I not?

Yes, you who must leave everything that you cannot control;
it begins with your fam'ly but soon it comes round to your soul.
I've been where you're hanging, I think I can see how you're pinned:
When you're not feeling holy, your loneliness says that you've sinned.

(Leonard Cohen, Sisters of Mercy.)

As I told E-pal today, I don't have separation anxiety when separated from people; only when I feel separated from God. But those feelings are at least in part irrational; how nice it would be if I felt that fear if I commited some gross sin, and felt holy if I did something good. But it doesn't work that way. Feelings come and go, and so we sometimes must try to do what we believe is right, even if we cannot sense any reward or punishment. Now that is hard.