Sunday 8 October 2000

Pic of the day: We can guess at the meaning, but we don't really understand. (Screenshot from The Sims. Costumes from DarkJared's Skindex.)

One size fits all?

When we are small children, we feel unique. It's all about me! And when the world does not shape itself to my royal expectations, I scream. Hell hath no fury like a child scorned. The things around us have to learn that they exist for our pleasure and nothing else!

Yet, from early on there is this dawning realization that the creatures that look like us, also think like us. Soon we learn to connect words with things, and then with feelings. When other people say "thirsty", we understand that they mean the same feeling that we have when we need to drink. After a while, we understand that other people are just like us.

Boy are we wrong.

***

Last night, a while after midnight, my chest started to grow tight. I was not worried; I just took a little cough syrup and waited. But it grew gradually worse, and eventually I started to panic. Around 3 in the night, I put on shoes and a heavy jacket and went outdoors. I hoped that some dust-free air and a little exercise could ease my breathing. It did not immediately do that, but something else happened. Sort of.

From a way off in the neighborhood, I heard angry shouting. I did not catch the words, nor was I eager to get that close. The tone was enough. And suddenly I felt very alone. I remembered that other humans are not like me, or at least not many of them. There are all kinds of people in the world, and I'm a fairly rare sort. Perhaps we all are. But if so, in very different ways.

I grew up in a home where shouting and anger was really reserved for the small children, or serious danger. The idea that grown-ups would actually be angry at one another was quite alien. But as I grew old enough to wander into other homes, I gradually learned a different story, much to my surprise. Later I have seen more of it. Now, you can't choose your parents - despite all New Age theory to the contrary - and not your siblings. But you can choose your friends and, in our culture at least, your spouse (if any). On these grounds, I conclude that people are often angry because they like to be angry. Otherwise they would not choose to live with or hang out with people who angered them.

It seems to me pure madness, that one would take pleasure in anger, which is an extreme of displeasure. But I know by now that many, even most, humans are attracted to intense emotions. I still think most prefer intense positive emotions, but these are not easy to provoke. Intense negative emotions come much easier. Isn't this why "soap opera" TV series are so popular? Look and you will see that they are packed with intense emotion. Hey, wait! Almost anything on TV is packed with intense emotion. Even nature programs try to incorporate plenty of drama. A raging storm draws more attention than gently falling snow.

In the latest decade or so it has been known that people actually have different "optimal stimulation level" in their brain. It seems that people are born with a chemical disposition for one or another. Those like me who have a low OSL, feel good with small stimuli: A smile, a banter, a computer game. On the other extreme of the scale, the same feeling of pleasure needs sex, a fistfight and bungee jumping, respectively. The people with extreme needs for stimulation tend to get into trouble when they are young, in our rather uniform society. It is easier for us sensitive types, we can simply draw back to a manageable level.

***

Of course, the optimal stimulation level is not the only thing that is different. Oh no. Some people are heavily focused on vision: They learn better through their eyes. Others (and I among them) lean more towards hearing. At school, I could never concentrate for long on anything else when the teachers were talking. This is probably the reason why I got passable grades the first years of school, when I avoided homework whenever possible. I was a competent reader, too, but to this day I find it hard to read if anyone is talking nearby. Even song distracts me.

Some people learn by sight, some by sound, some by touch ... actually, the more of them we can combine, the better. But the priority of the senses differ wildly. And not only that. Some people are very motoric, they must move all the time. Others are more alert when they sit unmoving like statues. (Needless to say, the traditional school had a pretty heavy bias here.)

Now throw in the fact that some people are wide awake in the morning, while others don't feel really alive till after lunch. And some people are just plain lazy; while others love to run, even if it should be on a threadmill. (The very symbol of futility.) And, let us face facts: Some people are intelligent, others are not. Well, compared with your favorite barnyard animal, most anyone is pretty bright. But compared to me and you, there are many who flop grandly. And some who are very smart, channel it all into some narrow goal. It could be something as prosaic as earning money. You can earn more money if you are intelligent; but what a waste of intelligence. Of course, they don't see it like that.

Even before we add culture, then, I conclude that people are very different. So different that our understanding of each other is often an illusion. You do not hear what I say, because you think I am like you. But my words mean something different to me. Perhaps subtly different, but different. We understand only in part, like through an unclear glass.

So this is what I learned from taking a walk at 3 in the night. Time well spent, don't you think?