Tuesday 14 May 2002

Pic of the day: Common interests are nice, but can probably not replace mad passionate sex as the foundation of a marriage. Except in comics.

Spooner or later

I loved the comic strip "Second Chances", despite its ungodly premise. (The name came from the fact that at least one, I think both, of the main characters was divorced.) It was very cute. But now there is Spooner, an equally cute and very wholesome daily comic about a young married couple. I read it daily, as well as working my way through the archives.

I must admit, it gives me a more positive view of marriage. It looks a lot like living with your best friend every day. Which, to be blunt, would be very nice. Of course, in the real world, marriage is usually less about friendship and more about sex. At least the first year or so. By some cruel joke of nature or nurture, not all enjoy repeated mad passionate sex with the same people who are their friends.

It seems logical that marriage (and its cheaper copies) is largely motivated by not having to jump on an interstate train when you get horny. But I am sure it is more than that. It seems that infatuated people want to be around each other all the time, even when they are not actually practicing on the stork summoning ritual. And then there are those who marry because, well, that's the thing to do. Their mom and dad did, and their grandma and grandpa did, and it's just the way things ought to be. You marry, you have kids, you work hard, and you die. Hopefully you get to see your kids marry and have kids too before you go home to the Lord, or wherever you go when you're gone. What more would anyone expect from life?

***

And there's the big thing that I tend to forget: Humans get lonesome. When you marry you have someone around, usually. (Some jobs may interfere, but usually you are well supplied with company.) Sometimes it seems to me that they don't even need to like each other. There are married couples who are a lot more mad than passionate, in fact they are not even friends by any sane definition of the word. And still they stick together. Of course, children may play a role one way or the other; but often it seems that even having an enemy at hand is better than being utterly alone with yourself. I forget that so easily, because I have such a good time in my own company. But most humans aren't like that.

I am a long time reader of Al Schroeder's online journal Nova Notes. Sometimes I jokingly refer to him as my cosmic triplet, because we have so many viewpoints and interests in common, despite the very different ways fate has dealt with us. And unlike me, he seems to actually be married to his best friend. It is really cute. Anyway, last week he was away on a business trip and wrote about it. And it made me wonder. He said that he used to be comfortable with being alone, before he married. But not now. It was pretty clear that he missed his wife and kids from the moment he boarded the plane, if not before.

I honestly cannot believe I could become like that, not in what remains of my lifetime anyway. But it is a safe bet that I'm never going to put that theory to the test. I occasionally hear of elderly people who marry, presumably more for companionship than lust. Not all people are satisfied with a pet to talk to. (Or a computer, I guess.) I must say that seems kinda sad. Perhaps they have it like in that old Beatles song:

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Kinda sad, isn't it? Coming to love like a refugee?