Sunday 5 March 2000

Pic of the day: Deep, dark river. (Picture from the old Åros bridge.) And no, I am not going to jump.

I can't believe I'm telling you this. After all, I have tried to hide it for so many years that I cannot remember when I started. And I know this is going to disgust many of you. The girls in particular are probably going to go "Ewww!" and stop reading. And I bet none of you are going to look at me the same way again.

And it is not as if I haven't tried to stop. God knows I have. I have prayed and I have promised. But then, suddenly ... there I find myself doing it again. I wash my hands afterwards (and I dare say I wash my hands quite a bit) but by then it is basically too late. I have read that you can get certain diseases if you touch yourself that way, and I have no reason to doubt it. I read it from normally reliable sources, and it certainly seems logical to me. But logic is one thing, habit is another.

Actually I don't feel too good right now. I have a kind of low level infection I think in my sinuses (? those things under your eyes.) I know it is no more than I deserve, and I know it was a stupid thing to do. But it's like my hands have a life of their own. While I am thinking of something else, suddenly they're where they should not be.

I guess it's one of those early habits that survives by hiding; I know I am not likely to do it while anyone is looking. (Not that I do it all day long just because I'm alone.) So it's hard to guess how many other adults do it too. I know at least one CamgUrl who is caught doing it occasionally. Not that that is much of an excuse for me. But what can I do? I have tried almost everything else I can imagine, except for confessing it to the whole world. I'm not sure this will help either, but by now I am pretty desperate. Sooner or later I'm gonna catch some really nasty disease, if I keep picking my nose.