Friday 27 June 2003

Pic of the day: Screenshot from the anime Nanaka 6/17. I guess you can tell who is 6 and who is 17... Oh, and the text in red says: Always keep your heart honest, just like that.

Multiple Nanaka Syndrome

I watched the first 2 episodes of Nanaka 6/17 some time ago, but became discouraged because not all episodes were available – there were gaps in the series. So I decided to wait. But now suddenly I wanted to see all I could get. I think you will come to understand why. So, for your enlightenment, we start this entry with a review of the anime Nanaka 6/17! Awawa!

***

Nanaka is a 17 year old girl who studies hard and has no time for fun or friends. Her only remaining friend is her childhood friend Nenji, and she is even bitching at him to grow up. But as he has just got enough of her arrogant attitude, she falls down and strikes her head. She wakes up without any memory of what happened after she was 6, just after her mother died. Now she has the mind of a 6 year old, and the only people she knows in the world are her father and Nenji. She believes that a magic toy has transformed her and her friend into adults, and now they have to act the part. But she is just a 6 year old playing adult, and continual weirdness ensues.

As the series progresses, however, we learn another story. One day Nanaka returns to her normal self ... but then later, she collapses and becomes 6 years again. She starts to alternate between the two. It becomes clear that it is not the hardware of the brain that is affected, but the software: She has a form of multiple personality syndrome, as common people still call it. One personality has not progressed since her mother's death when she was 6. The other part has grown up too fast, ignoring her emotional needs. The two parts are both her, but they have become dissociated. And to make things worse, it seems that both her father and Nenji prefer the childish version ...

There is also another girl who has a crush on Nenji, but somehow the childish Nanaka always manage to put her in the shadow. The needs of the kid takes precedence ... but she never gives up. Then there is an otherwise normal high-school boy who is crazy about children's anime; a real 6-year old who decides that Nenji is her True Love and Nanaka her rival; a wannabe martial artist and Manly Man who habitually is beat up by his sister. And not least, an anime within the anime ... we get to see parts of Nanaka's favorite magical princess anime, which turns out to have quite an impact on the plot!

I won't totally spoil the series by giving away the end, but rest assured that it does not end in death or marriage. At least not literally ...

***

I have some reservations about a series that has so much fun with a psychiatric condition. But it is also a warm and heartfelt story about people who truly care for one another. And again, it struck me that in a way we are all a bit dissociated. Well, most of us for sure. Did I not just last month make a point out of this, that I have the soul of an old man but the heart of a little boy?

There are many other ways in which we may be "unglued". Some are very different at home from at work, almost like they were not the same person. The same is certainly true about church. And it is a sad fact that many people change beyond recognition in a setting of personal intimacy. In a way, we are all playing a role playing game, and it is not easy for one person to fill all the roles we are expected to play in a life.

This is not to belittle the problems of those who suffer from clinical dissociation. It is quite a real thing. But just as you can be down sometimes without having a clinical depression, so you can be a bit different without being dissociated. As long as you don't have gaps in your day that you can't explain, it is probably not dissociative identity disorder. But our souls are not like pearls, looking the same from every direction. Rather we are like multi-faceted jewels, whose colors change depending on what direction you approach them from.

***

When I started to write, I thought it would be obvious how this was a continuation of the two previous entries. But now I cannot even see it myself. I mean, yes I am different. But aren't we all different? Don't we all have some childish sides, just that I don't need to get drunk to bring them out?

Actually I consider myself a well integrated person. Integration means, in my book, to accept your different sides as part of yourself (although not all of them may be acceptable socially) and arrange your life according to who you really are, not according to one or the other mask or facade.

The different colors of my journal are not separate personalities; I have said that before: It is not like one day I think only about computer games, one day only about philosophy, and one day only just look around. It is true that sometimes I feel more creative, or more lazy, or more lustful. But these are nuances, and also they can change during a day or last for weeks. I am basically the same person having all these sides and more ... But I guess I "worry" – not that it really affects me emotionally, but I think it may be the case – that I am different things to different people. Some like to read my deep thoughts about the human condition. Some like my game journal. Some are friends or relatives who'd like to see whether I'm OK. Some just like the pictures, perhaps. But what I think is that perhaps there is no one who likes me, only parts of me. Not that it matters, I guess. The need to be liked is for children. The need to make others happy is for adults. And we're all adults here, right?

Oh ... and ...
this day at 9 in the morning I was 44 and a half year old! Mini-ding! Ayaya!