Saturday 3 June 2000

Pic of the day: Fake intimacy. The magazine mikro/makro is actually a customer magazine for DnB Kort, who issue Mastercard and the like. Yes, I do have Mastercard. Anyway, consider this. A company that is in the business of extending credit, is using images of close intimacy to profile themselves. Am I the only one who finds this hugely ironic? Like, oh, like those bee parasites I recently read about, whose larvae assemble into a bee-like shape.

Life goes on?

As I am starting to write this around 22:30 (10:30PM), my brother has just called me to tell that my mother has got another bleeding in her brain. The way I understood it, it is in the same location, as they said she was growing worse again after some days of gradual improvement. "We have to be fatalists" my brother says, "hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. It's not like we can do anything, neither you nor I."

That's pretty much how it is right now. But it's also pretty much how it has been for years, if not decades. With chronic cancer and diabetes plus plus, it's pretty much up to God and the machines. Being unable to operate the machines in question, all we can do is pray. And life goes on. At least health care is free here ... or rather, insurance is mandatory and collected along with the taxes. So my mother need not worry that she is ruining her family. Thumbs up for Nordic quasi-socialism there, at least.

It's never cool to have parents on the brink of death, even when you're used to it. I'm sure it beats having children in the same situation, though. And forgive my callousness, but I'm happy to be alive myself. That was not the obvious outcome when I was a kid. But things change. I've lived a long time, though of course I'd prefer to go on living for at least as long again, if possible. Been a lot of good years now.

***

Earlier today, I have been writing on my fantasy novel. Basically, it is intended to be the kind of book I would have liked to read, if someone else wrote it. This means magic, and lots of it. :) I'm coming to that now. But of course, it wouldn't be me if there wasn't some questions left un-answered, a deeper layer. So the main character is a young man of 18. The fantasy world starts in his dreams, but soon begins to eat away on his life. Did y'all know that the usual age for schizophrenia to set in is about 18 for men and 21 for women? The age difference is a mystery, but perhaps they have more brain to resist ... the male brain is already eroded somewhat by the fetal testosterone. Strong stuff. Ahem.

A reader who is an expert on fiction writing has been so nice to offer to read through what little I have written so far. If it turns out to not be complete drivel (the jury is still out) then I intend to link to it, God willing. (Actually more like unless God actively stops me.) I don't have ambitions to create a regular feature like Al Schroeder's Decajour, though.

Speaking of which, I may be a sicko but it seems to me that Al has written himself into that fictional world, more spesifically in the form of the doubting preacher. Not completely, but enough that it's hard to see that character without thinking of Al. I hope to avoid this, but tell you what? You would probably recognize parts of me in the characters which I never intended. Because you see me from angles where I am invisible to myself. Another reason why I hesitate to put it up on the Web. Poor Al has taken some flak for his Decajour, as he has been held personally responsible for the action of even his most evil and twisted characters. Hey, they do that to God too, so how much more some guy.

Good thing it was on a small BBS network and not the Web I wrote my "Magic" serial story in the 90es. In retrospect, I guess I did skirt a bit close to SM in some of those stories. Nothing you wouldn't find in Conan the Barbarian, though. Anyway, perhaps it's not so bad that I've never tried to publish anything I have written. I could easily regret it.

But even so, life goes on - for as long as it does. And recent events have shown that I can't take for granted that a brain lasts forever. I better use it now, such as it is.