Tuesday 13 February 2001

Pic of the day: OK, perhaps this was not such a great idea. He may be talking about football, but any moment now it may turn to wrestling.

Man meets girl

Judgement/Hanged Man[1]

It's all over the front pages (and much of the rest of the papers too). Just goes to show that the Categorical Imperative was right on target insisting that I not upload the essay I wrote yesterday. This, however, is something I feel familiar with.

The man in today's headlines is Terje Søviknes, described as "heir" to the Progress Party. This is occasionally the second largest political party in Norway, and probably the most influential. Where the Progress Party leads, the others stumble after, whining and griping all the way. Enough of that, the problem is that this guy had sexual intercourse with a 16 year old girl a while ago. Now that is completely legal here in Norway. The problem is, the girl thinks he raped her. He thinks not. Now that's a problem!

Fool/Lovers

To the casual observer, it may seem that one of the two are lying. Either the man raped her, or she was not raped by him, right? Wrong. One of the complicating things about humans is that they experience the same thing very differently. (Not least some months or years later. But also at once.) Like most men, he assumes that since he did not use violence, threats or physical force, it could not possibly be a rape. While she probably defines it from what it felt like. She felt forced, abused, violated. She felt raped.

(Of course, the actual case with Mr Søviknes may be very different ... he could be an naïve victim of a skilled seductress, for all I know. The police is looking into the case right now.)

It's not like this doesn't happen all the time. It does. Not just in the Progress Party. Sports clubs, churches, charities ... you name it. Man meets girl, girl is impressed, man takes advantage of girl. Life goes on. (And so does the man.)

"We were equals" said the vice chairman of the party. Yeah, right. You're a teenager - and a young teenager at that. You're far away from home. You're actually hanging out with someone who everybody around you admire and trust. You try out your newfound skills of flirting, and what do you know, it actually works! Then things start to get out of hand, it goes too fast and too far. What are you going to do? Cry for help? Run away? You probably don't even find your way around the area alone, and it is two years till you can get a driver's license so you can drive home. You probably can't afford a taxi even if there was one around.

Of course, you could yell: "Stop, for God's sake! I'm not an adult, I'm just a scared kid! Please let me alone!" It just might work. But that's sort of hard to do after the front you've put up a few minutes ago. In fact, it's kind of hard to think at all.

So, what I'm saying is that when an adult and a teenager is together, it's up to the adult to act like an adult. To be responsible, to set limits, to put on the brakes. Hmm, how long have I seen it that way? Oh, let's say ... since I was 15.

Hermit/Magician

Kawaii! I heard this cute Japanese song at the end of an anime, and I copied it to my minidisc. It was all in Japanese, which I don't understand, except these three words: "Boy meets girl". I guess "wow wow wow" also counts as English. Anyway, it was funny. I played it as I walked to the bus. That's how much of this entry came into existence. Except of course I put my own twist on it: Man meets girl.

I've always liked girls, as far back as I can remember. Some of my best friends have been girls. Then again, some of my best friends have stopped being girls, and grown up. That's a rather confusing process for all involved, as you probably know. It starts pretty early and goes on for a long, long time.

For many years, I've been family friend of teenagers, and not least teenage girls. In all honesty, I think I'm pretty well suited to be a kind of bridge between the familiarity of family and the strangeness of strange men. I wondered about this for a while until I happened on one explanation for the archetype and Tarot card "Magician": The Magician stands between Earth and Heaven. That's me. Not as a mediator - just somewhat displaced compared to the planes people usually walk. This is particularly visible when I'm with young girls: I'm not heavenly enough to be afraid or repulsed by their growing womanliness, but neither am I earthly enough to take advantage of them.

I suspect I'm sort of like a cousin: Not scaringly attractive like the men out there, but not contemptibly familiar like the brothers you've seen nekkid on the way from the shower or heard farting at the breakfast table. A bridge between the familiar and the strange. Perhaps like a teacher. I'd sort of like to be a teacher, except the conditions at public schools are not suitable for teaching. And we have virtually no other schools here in Norway.

I know it isn't easy for all. I know good men who become estranged from their daughters when these start to become women. To many men, women are dangerous, seductive beings. It's best to take care. Yes, it sure beats doing something horribly improper. But it's sad when the change from girl to woman leads to such a loss. (And I'm sure the same happens in some cases between boys and mothers, though I suspect this is less common. Perhaps because mothers are still closer to their children than fathers are, at least in traditional families.)

Me, I enjoy the company of young girls. I do not feel threatened or disturbed when they take on the shape and body language of women. I can see when they are "sexy" as I call it, but it doesn't make me feel like losing self control. It's just another property of a human being. You can be intelligent, you can be strong, you can be tall, you can be pretty, and you can be sexy. (The last two are not the same, which seems to confuse some young ones.) Perhaps I just never got into the habit of making out with girls. Or perhaps I'm a perv at heart, and it takes more to get me really aroused. Or perhaps it all boils down to a lack of alcohol. Who knows?

But I'm getting a bit old to be this kind of bridge person now. Perhaps I should become politician in the Progress Party instead. I suspect they are going to have an empty place really soon now.

---

[1]: The subtitles are pairs of Tarot cards from the greater arcana. I use them somewhat humorously here, at face value rather than according to esoteric tradition. I don't actually use Tarot for divination.