Saturday 24 December 2005

Pic of the day: People change, when two years pass. But I want to always remember... both what was, and what is.

Write Christmas

"Whyyy am I always alooone for Chris-mas?" I love the song, Always Alone for Christmas performed by Jonas Groth, may he live a long and healthy life and enjoy it to the end. It never fails to cheer me up at this time of the year. I think it is becoming my own personal little Christmas tradition. ^_^ You can read about it in my one year ago entry.

***

In fact, my years-ago entries are quite fascinating reading to me now. I am glad I wrote down so much and so honestly in those happy years. I am not one of those who rewrite their past; I accept it with the hunger for reality that a child has on its first day at school. But the winds of change blow relentlessly over a human life, and kingdoms are buried under the sand.

I guess I really was happier back when I could love someone (and without the risk of being loved too much in return, just accepted). It was of course an extremely platonic love by human measures, although I don't use those measures but the measures of Heaven, by which there was still some contamination from the flesh. Oh well. Such things are by their very nature temporary: All that has form is subject to change and decay.

Now those days are gone and I am not quite as happy as I were, because I have less opportunity to express love in a personal way and see someone else happy. At this late stage of life, the happiness of others is necessary for one's own. As a child, you enjoy Christmas because you get gifts. As an adult, you enjoy the giving more than the getting. In the end, only what you have given remains to you. Because in the very end, you are being removed from the game, and all that remains on you is lost with you. Only that which you deployed is still in the game of life. He who dies with the most toys wins ... but the reckoning happens (to some of us at least) after we already realized that we are being taken off the board. If we still hold all our toys at that time, we have lost thoroughly.

On that note, happy Christmas to some people in Texas! And to all my deluded fellow Christians who are duped into celebrating the birthday of Deus Sol Invictus, the Roman soldiers' sun god, on December 25th: Have a good one! ^_^