Sunday 1 December 2002

Pic of the day: Picture pending, as I forgot to take a screenshot. There will probably be others, though hopefully not quite like this one.

Mind of a zerg

Sometime during my school years, I realized that people have different personalities, or modes of personality. They have one when they think they are alone (which some people try to avoid), and another when they are two (which some other people try to avoid) and a third in groups. There is a further degree of this, namely the mind of the mob, which I was largely spared. Though I think for children the difference is smaller between the group mind and the mob mind.

The mob is a strange beast. Usually it brings out the worst in those involved, or so it seems. But actually it is more likely to bring out that which has been held down, and this may at rare times be good. It was the mob in the street that overthrew some of the worst regimes in East Europe at the end of the Cold War. But in the civilized world, it is usually the antisocial and destructive sides of us that are kept in check by law and morality. Thus, when the individual sheds its personal responsibility, evil flows free. Burning, looting, violence, even rape. Mostly senseless destruction, though.

Giving up the ego to meld with a group comes easier to some people than to others. It does not at all come easy to me, and I generally consider that a good thing. I retain the "alone" personality pretty much at all times, except for attempts to be considerate to those who are around me. On the down side, this makes it hard to partake in some religious experiences, where you actually feel the unity of the Church in mass prayer, song or similar forms of mass worship. I understand that these experiences are essential to some people's life of faith. So be it. It does not come easy to me even in glimpses.

The good side of this is that I remain myself in situations where others may lose their head. This is not as big a benefit as you might think, because I tend to avoid those situations in the first place, if at all possible. Today was an exception, and then only a simulated one.

***

In Dark Age of Camelot we call it a "zerg" when there are more players than you can keep track of. We had a zerg in the huge dungeon of Darkness Falls today, and I was there all evening. It was a kinda educating experience. There was a raid leader, and a chat group too. But most people just followed when someone began to move. There were sufficient many high level characters that we could eradicate all opposition, and the fallen were resurrected right there in the middle of the fight. I know, because I resurrected around ten of them. Not a very profitable thing to do; for some reason you get rewarded for killing but not for resurrecting. But hey, do unto others ...

It was kind of interesting, even exciting; but not something I would do again tomorrow. It was definitely not an army on the march, it was a mob. People rushing blindly into danger or leaving their dead behind. Not a pretty sight. I took up the war cry "Lemmings for victory!" but somehow it never caught on ...

I suppose no matter what happens, I will always be me. But then again, the sheer span of motives in that single me should be enough to last for a lifetime.