Friday 10 August 2007

Pic of the day: Country life. (Admittedly an artist's impression from Hokkaido, but hey.)

Imaginary 2010

This is the third in a series of fictional journal entries, each set one year further into the future. Obviously this is just me daydreaming, in a manner of speaking. I don't know the future that way. I don't even know if I'll be in it! But if so, I will probably read this and shake my head with a rueful smile.

Fiction begins here

10. August 2010: Life in the slow lane

Let us face it, I am never going to be a city guy. I was born on a farm, literally (not in a hospital) and grew up there. The city is a manmade desert to me, and being surrounded by hundreds of strangers all around me creeps me out. I was pretty OK with living on the borders of the suburbs, with a road on one side and the green land on the other. This was how I lived for most of my life, in the Chaos Node. This was also how I lived in Chaosnodeland, where I had a whole house for myself most of the time. OK, actually I did not have the basement, but it was inhabited only now and then. Still, after three years there, moving to a basement apartment again sucked. While I was grateful to have a place to live, I immediately started looking for some cheap house to rent again. With the recent slowdown in the economy, I would expect people to be more eager for cash and less uppity. Yet it took its sweet time to find this place.

The commute is a beast, I readily admit. I know I used to say that I wanted a longer commute. I also don't mind having a longer walk to the bus again. It is good for my health. But having to get up at oh noes in the morning to get ANY bus to the city at all… that's just so wrong. I wasn't built to get up at this time. I am sure this will lead to my disability pension some day. Then again, I thought I would be disabled in 2008 after our workplace was reorganized. That didn't happen, but the super flexible work hours I used to have are gone. This led to a string of sick days, then seeing my doctor, getting sleeping pills, hating them, taking up meditation again and buying a high-power daylight lamp in an attempt to corral my day rhythm. I guess it worked, passably at least. I still don't sleep enough during the work week and sleep at weird times during the weekends. But the irony of going to work this early is just too much.

At least it's a good thing I don't play City of Heroes anymore. I would never see my American friends online at all, since I now have to be to bed before they even log on! I seem to grow less and less social for every year. I guess that is my inner fate unfolding. And of course Sims 3 is even more social than Sims 2 was. It is almost like having real people living in my computer room. Seriously, I did not think they could do it, but they did. But I already write too much about that, don't I? So back to real life, such as it is.

Being able to get ADSL was a requirement for moving in the first place. I did not even consider moving until I had checked with my ISP that they could offer broadband there. And they did … except it is slower than anything I have had since I switched from dial-up to ADSL in November 2002. It doesn't really matter, though. The price is still the same, but I did not need that much in the first place. I download much less anime now than before. After all, what is the point of each year accumulating a few more weeks of unseen anime? It has been a gradual process, me getting more and more selective. I don't just download to not waste the bandwidth. I watch an episode or at most two, and if I don't love it, I just delete them and never look for that series again. If I stop loving it halfway through, I stop downloading it. And anyway, it is not like it takes days to download an episode, just (for example) five or six hours instead of a half. But as I said, it is less important to me now.

I spend the commute reading or (especially on my way home) sleeping. That clocks in as almost an hour of sleep that I don't need to do in the night. So yeah, the longer commute is the best part. I just wish it was a couple hours later.

The local shop is rather expensive and the selection is meager. On the plus side, it is quite a bit of a walk, which I will need if I want to avoid diabetes and heart infarct. I can definitely feel that I am past 50, though. Even in my late 40es, it did not take much to keep my strength. Now, a few days of not walking and I feel it in my legs. I'm no spring chicken anymore, that's for sure. I am growing increasingly aware of my mortality. I guess passing 50 will do that to any sane human (not that those are too plentiful). It was a kind of watershed in my life, I guess. Just like turning 40 finally brought home the fact that I was never going to marry and have kids, turning 50 brought home the fact that I am soon going to leave this world. Oh, it could take 20 more years, possibly even twice that much if I reach the age of my grandfather. But I find that unlikely, since he worked with his body all his life in the fresh air, while I have spent my life stressing in a city office. But even should I remain alive and reasonably conscious for that long a time, it is just a brief visit in the world. As soon as I start to feel comfortable here, I am reminded of my departure.

But living in the slow lane is certainly not going to hurt. I may hate getting up early, but a day rhythm that does not fluctuate randomly is clearly good for me. And the quiet here is breathtakingly beautiful. I wish I could stay here for decades to come, but I know that is not realistic. A few years would be good, though. What happens next I'll take when it comes, if I'm even still around. And now, if you'll excuse me, I'll take a long walk in the hills before darkness falls.