Slice of Chaotic Life

This morning I woke up (which is good) and my knees hurt (which is not so good). The right especially is tender and sore. I am pretty sure I know why, though, and it’s my own fault. Yesterday I walked right into the shower after a walk, and my thigh muscles contracted pretty hard. I believe that is what pulled on the knee sinews. In fact, my right thigh at least is pretty stiff today, so that is probably it.

Although it certainly looks like a coordinated action by various circumstances to keep my from walking so much. Realistically, though, the circumstances are probably complexes in my subconscious, subtly manipulating me into behaviors and feelings that discourage all this healthy stuff. Why? Just out of spite? Trying to get sympathy? A more likely explanation is that I always was small and weak and sickly when I was a kid. It kind of defined me as a person. So there may be a big part of me, buried from my childhood, that feels really uncomfortable with me being healthy and strong.

Ah, perhaps if we replaced half our somatic doctors with psychiatrists, we would all live longer and healthier lives. Well, if they were really good psychiatrists. I have a vague impression that the field tends to draw in people who are already pretty close to it. Or to put it more bluntly, if you take an interest in psychiatry, it is probably because you or members of your family have had some serious need for their services in the past. Case in point, my brother works as a psychologist and I believe he has said that he chose this career because our uncle was a very strong case of autism. It is likely my (non-paid) interest in the field comes from the same source.

Well, I somehow managed to get back to all about me. This is meant to be my personal journal, with no health advice, economic advice or reflections on the world economy and comparative religion.

Speaking of which, I’ve repented again. Why does it always feel like I’ve never really repented before whenever I repent? This time I actually repented before I got disgustingly sick, instead of during or right after. So I guess that’s a good thing at least.

The muse in my head is very happy about my Tamriel-based fiction, but the Voice in my heart was sad, and I didn’t want that. There are other issues as well.  But that’s OK. People who are always satisfied with themselves tend to be dissatisfied with everyone and everything else, but we who are dissatisfied with ourselves tend to be more grateful for being allowed to live and enjoy many things we don’t deserve. Like knees.