Monday 26 September 2005

Pic of the day: Strangely enough, this picture from the anime Aishiteru ze Baby (Love you, Baby) seems the most fitting. Though it is far more than five years since we were like that.

Song flashback

I woke up from the clock radio as usual. This time the thing that woke me up was a hauntingly familiar song. You sang to me performed by Marc Anthony. I have loved the song from I heard it, for its beauty and some of the content, and for where I first heard it.

It is long ago already. The year 2000. The year where we should visit tourist resorts on the moon, but where instead we talked to each other all across this blue planet, the last year of imaginary innocence and of the long boom. And a year where I still had some days together with my last best friend. Where I still visited the human world to wander there as an ordinary human, though in my heart I was already a stranger. Now I only do this in Sims2. I've moved to a less complicated galaxy. Humans still interest me, and sometimes I create some. But the world we shared, I have left behind.

Listening to the song, the memories came so close I could almost touch them. They are precious memories. I don't connect to humans easily, and I don't trust them easily. For good reason, in my experience. So it was wonderful to love (in a rather platonic way) someone who was worth it, to spend time with her and see the world through her eyes. It is not a bad place. I am just sorry that she will never be able to see the world that I have seen. The blinding beauty of a billion interconnected facts reaching from the beginning of time itself until it surrounds on all sides, the inherent meaning in a world where there is no contradiction, no separation. How I wish I could have shown it to you the same wide-eyed way you showed me your world.

Ah well. I can't laugh, but I don't hate people. If I happen on someone again who accept me that much, I'll be happy to spend time with them as well. But I realize that most acres have no pearl hidden in them, so there is little help in digging them all. Mostly I just remember, and smile sadly, and go on with my life. Nothing that has ever been, will entirely cease to exist. The past is as real as the present, just gradually harder to touch.