Wednesday 25 September 2002

Pic of the day: Needless to say, this is not autobiographical either. I guess I should tell you about my college years (or rather winters) one day.

Girl friends vs girlfriends

Through much of my life, I have had girls as friends. I prefer girls and women for company when there is a choice. In part perhaps because of the all male bullies at school when I grew up, but also the girls tend to be more interesting - they see things from a different angle. I like that. And of course they are more decorative, but that's not really important to me.

Usually, though, I don't choose my friends. My friends choose me. I am not really shy. I can lecture a group of men in suits easily enough, or speak to a congregation if I have a message. But I don't walk over to people and talk to them unless I have a specific message. Even if they just sit there. I assume people have a reason to be where they are and do what they do. Therefore unless I have a fairly important reason, I don't disturb. By the same logic, I don't call just to say I love you. Your time is precious and I won't take it up unless you ask me to.

Once people reach out to me, though, I tend to be quite enthusiastic. Like a tail-wagging puppy, I am almost pathetically eager to please you. And not least if you are a girl. I will move your furniture, paint your walls, buy you stuff, and not ask for tit for that. I am also a good listener. It is, if anything, strange that I don't have more girl friends than I have. OK, perhaps not so strange ...

***

I have come to think that this remoteness goes against the usual gender roles. Men are the active, they hunt by chasing down the prey while women hunt with snares. In a more typical man & woman relationship, a girl could wait forever for me to make the first move. The girls who move first and take the initiative are those with a more "boyish" mind (if not necessarily body). They then wonder why men see them as buddies and one of the boys rather than as dating material; and yet that's exactly how they treat me.

That's not a bad deal. I can live without playing in bed (to use the Sims expression) and I prefer to live without all the weird rituals of romance. Why go to movies unless they are more interesting than playing Dark Age of Camelot at home? Why eat dinner unless you are really hungry? And why use candles unless the power is out? Yeah, yeah. Traditions, stuff. I guess complicated traditions are kinda like an IQ test – if people fail to comply with the meaningless tangle of traditions, they are either a bit dim or not really motivated. Well, I guess I'm not really motivated. If I have to jump through hoops for romance, forget it. You don't want cuddle, that's your loss. I can just as easily play you a match of chess or a duel in the borderlands of Midgard.

It's such issues I am touching in the comic which I may or may not make. It is certainly not autobiographical, but of course I have a reason for what I do.