Saturday 22 September 2001

Pic of the day: Screenshot from The Sims. My actual day was slightly different. For one thing, the real-life Super-chan went back to Oslo today. But ...

I'm still here

Wow, this day just flew by. I woke up late, around 10 I think. (I had saved up much tiredness through the week.) Then I had yesterday's diary to write. Then food to buy, and eat. Then I played The Sims. (There is a new expansion pack in the works! Yay! Sims "Hot date" is scheduled for November, and will finally take you out of Sim Lane and downtown to experience a new part of Sim life. And the all new Cuddle Couch! Mmrreow! Yes, I am easily amused.) And then I went online to download StarOffice 5.2.

Aaargh! I really like Opera, the independent Web Browser that is small and fast yet fully functional. And made in Norway, too! Well, at least originally. It has kinda grown. Anyway, I really like it. But I don't like that it crashes every few hours. And it does. After like four tries at downloading StarOffice while doing other things too, I gave up and started MicroSoft Internet Explorer. I let it download the file, while I used Opera to read comics. Found a new cute one, Lovarian Adventures, but it seems to have gone on hiatus. Online comics often do that.

Come to think of it, online things often do that. Go on hiatus. Suddenly and without warning. Or they disappear, suddenly and without warning. Or something inbetween. Take for instance my archive, on Crosswinds.net. "Oops" says the page when I try to access it. Oops indeed. Luckily it was free. Well, except for those ads, and who surfs with Javascript on anyway? But anyway, I guess I shall wait and see. If it does not return within a reasonable time, I will have to consider other alternatives. I suppose I can buy more disk space here on Online.no, though I haven't found out how. I'd prefer not to upgrade to one of those commercial programs, because frankly I'm just some working man. I can't afford to play business, much as I'd love to.

***

It's all right, I'm not lost:
I got a reading on the Southern Cross;
and I've been listening to the radio
for signs of new life.
Some people find the game too tough,
and there are those who've simply had enough;
but I'm still here and I'm not giving up:
I'm going the distance.

Chris de Burgh: By my side.

You know, sometimes I wish ... those young people who spend their time thinking about whether and when to kill themselves. I wish there was a way they could give their lives to me. It seems hugely ironic that when you are depressed, you can choose to die. But when you are happy, and remain that way, there is still no way you can choose not to die. Not that I have any terminal illness that I know of right now, apart from being human. But that is also enough. I am doomed to die, even though I would be happy to live for ever and ever. I can only hope that my saved character can be imported into the next and presumably stable final version of Real Life. Which has been a really long time in development, I must admit.

So excuse my lack of sympathy when young people choose to kill themselves. That seems like a rich man burning his barn full of food, while the poor stand helpless watching. On the other hand, I wish them no ill. It is their life, and it's not like they could have given it to me even if they wanted. Nor can I help them. For the quiet and unassuming life that I live, would probably to them seem a faith worse than death.

But I'm still here, and I'm still me, and I still enjoy it immensely. Even on a day when nothing important happens.