Sunday 9 September 2001

Pic of the day: A rather ordinary farm on the west coast of Norway. But the people who grow up here are not quite ordinary ...

Family values

My last day on the farm, for this time. All of my brothers were here, and around ten nephews and nieces. (I did not count them, but I remember most of them and there may have been a couple more.) My brothers were all nice and friendly; then again, that's how they are. They have probably had to make their own sacrifices to get to where they are today, though.

For instance my second oldest brother, who brought along the majority of the children. He and his wife have been married for twenty-some years, and they look so genuinely happy together. There is a playfulness between them which is similar both to young lovers and siblings. (Not that I recommend that as a combination, what I mean is that they know each other inside and out and still seem to have fun together.) My youngest brother hasn't been married nearly as long, and their three children are still small, and they have a lot of hard work right now. But they seem to grow together rather than apart. I like to think that menfolk in my branch of the family have extremely good taste in women. :)

Of course, it's easier to be happily married as long as you don't have a TV. This satanic contraption has only recently wormed its way into the two homes. I can only hope and pray that the apparats are not left on after seeing the programs they were bought for. Normal humans just let the box stay on, and so the men are daily bombarded with images of the world's most beautiful women, and the women likewise with images of handsome, rich and powerful men. No wonder they start to dis-approve of their spouses after a while. That's how brains work, by comparing. If you keep the TV on, you must naturally expect to be dissatisfied in your life. Laws of nature don't easily make exceptions.

***

Of course, it may look sometimes like I'm an exception myself. I do stick out a bit from the happy couples of my generations. Now you can't really expect me to be a happy couple all by myself, but I think I get pretty close. Others may think differently, consciously or not. I seem to notice a trend in the course of the few times I've been here after my brother married and filled the farm with his own family. They seem to just happen to be impressed with some children's book just when I show up, and simply must mention it to me.

This time, it was one of the Moomintroll books by Tove Jansson. A literary masterpiece in fact, and I actually loved the story, a long poem about a small creature that is so scared alone in the night that he leaves his home and embark on a long journey. But he finds it hard to insert himself in the festive crowds he meets, and instead begins to enjoy solitude to some extent. But then he gets to know of another small (female) creature which is afraid and in need of comfort. He suddenly gets a lot of courage and sense of direction, and things go on from here.

The last time, my brother and his wife also were in love with some cuddly children's tale. This is no big surprise, them having three small children and she being the leader of a kindergarten. The story was about a small animal who was having a good enough time on a ship (implied to be Noah's Ark). But there seemed to be something lacking in his life. The other animals were always found two and two ... needless to say, there was actually an equally shy female animal hidden away on the ship. Hmm. Am I just overly sensitive, or are children really given some pretty standard "family values" before they even know for sure what a family is?

The common denominator seems to be: Yeah, you may feel it's OK to be alone, but eventually you'll find out that you're missing a companion of the opposite sex and that you weren't all that happy anyway. Verily I say unto y'all: Heh.

***

The Itlands I have known have all had a well developed sense of verbal humor, and my somewhat vague memories of my childhood is woven through with the unstoppable wordplay among us brothers (and our father, who doubtless got us started down that road). It wasn't so much banter or elaborate jokes; rather a steady current of puns, deliberate misunderstandings and quotes taken out of context. We were all fairly literate, and would throw around quotes ranging from old screenplays to comics. Being able to appreciate this kind of humor really helps if you want to live with one of us. It may seem strange to think of me and humor in the same sentence, but it's a spontaneous thing born out of the situation. Not easily rendered into writing.

Take yesterday, for instance, when my brother and wife and their children and I were eating chocolate and sweets (as they usually do only on Saturdays). Among the sweets were the Norwegian favorite "seigmenn" (elastic jelly men ... also mentioned on June 22). Lately these are also available in slightly different flavors in a vaguely female shape (tiny humps on the chest) as jelly women. As my sister-in-law dispensed the jellies, someone asked if there were jelly women too. She casually replied: "The women are lying on the top of the cupboard." I looked at her, and suddenly she realized that this would be taken out of context. She started to grin, and then of course I replied: "This goes straight in the diary!" And we laughed.

Here is how the same thing would have looked if someone had left out the jelly qualifier in my favorite fun-loving IRC group. Imaginary, but trust me, this is how it works:

LadyChaos: The women are lying on the top of the cupboard.
Itland: ...
LadyChaos: BAD ITLAND! ECCHI! BAD BAD!
Aki-chan: Ecchi!
Delphina: Ecchi Itland!

Wonder why people think I'm so ecchi (indecent)? I'm just used to seeing things from different angles ... It's one of our family values ...

***

There are many stereotypes in the world, and I guess some of them have a core of truth. But farmers are not generally expected to be unusually intelligent, well read and mentally agile. But it so happens that this peaceful green little farm has bred quite a crop of that type, and they still keep breeding. (OK, my generation is winding down, but don't expect it to stop with them.)

Being born of the same parents is not a guarantee that you'll get along well. The two resident nephews reminds me painfully of this fact. But I have to say that my brothers get along quite well with each other and with me now. I guess you could say that we share some "family values" ...