Friday 1 September 2000

Pic of the day: Sorry, I just can't get over how loaded those trees are. Like bearing fruit is the most natural thing in the world.

Not that easy

It's not that easy to do the right thing when you're a human. Just try if you don't believe me.

If you've grown up in a traditional family, you probably know the feeling when you want something and your dad says no. This past week, I've wanted a hand-held computer, but God says no. Well, I suppose that's God. Not that I think God has anything against hand-held computers in general. It's just that I don't really need one. But I really want one. Ostensibly to read books on the bus. So a Rocket E-book might be enough, they're not all that expensive. But I already use the bus to read magazines, many of which are not available in e-format yet. Hey, I'm not sure any of them are. So, it basically boils down to me wanting one because they are Certified Cool.

But I'm not supposed to act like that any more. I'm trying to grow up here.

***

And then the other day the window exhibition was changed over on Løkka, the slightly upmarket shop for men's clothes. There is a lot of black and gray and some dark blue, all colors that suit me. Problem is, I already have more clothes than I need. I even have loads that are washed and ready to go. But they don't look so good any longer. Not that they are frayed or paled or anything, but the tastes have changed. Those colors are not so pretty anymore. Light knows how I would know; I don't read any publications on this. (Men's magazines used to be more about lack of clothes, back when I still read them.) But the Zeitgeist seems to seep in. (No, that's not a drink; it means "spirit of the times".)

I was even inside and looked at some of the clothes. They are highly recommended. But I felt so guilty that I just walked out. This is not for me any longer.

Got the monthly statement from the credit card company today. It detailed the shops in the Oslo area where I had spent money this month. It wasn't all that terrible, we kept well under the limit that I had set. I should be able to repay it all on payday, which is before due date. In fact, I could probably pay it right now and still have food (barely) for the 11 days left till payday. Particularly if I keep eating like I've done this week.

***

My appetite has recovered faster than my actual digestion, so I may have indulged in a bit more snacks than I should. I got a painful and shivering reminder this evening. Luckily, I feel like I'm recovering already. I have avoided any large meals, meat, and most fat stuff this week. Been eating a bit of cheese & maize snacks, though, and they do contain some fat. I'm afraid I do get a bit hungry after some days of only the occasional yoghurt. Actually I seem to have fat reserves left for a few weeks more of this, if need be. But tell that to my body. It wants food.

I also guess I shouldn't travel anywhere until this thing has stabilized. The penicillin runs out tomorrow evening, so let's see if digestion improves next week. One can hope. I've still not decided on travelling to the west coast this fall. (That's the west coast of Norway, for any new readers.) Right now it's the last thing on my mind, but I may get better soon.

That's another reason why I shouldn't throw money out the window, I guess. I'm not trying to get rich or anything. Regular readers will know that I have a quite moderate salary. I just want to pay my bills and feel the freedom to do the things I want, without thinking about the money. Such as visiting relatives I haven't seen in ... hmm ... seven years, perhaps? Or is it more now?

And besides, Cutie will presumably be home for Christmas. Her mother has already invited me for the holidays, just to be sure. How nice of her. I know that things will never be the same for me there, anymore. But I may still go. We'll have to see. It's hard to even imagine a future now, beyond the next few hours; it's all haze.

You know, we can't just stay at the top of the mountain all the time and enjoy the view. We have to move on, even if it's now downhill towards the last shore. God willing (or dumb luck for you atheists) there may still be a few decades left to live and learn. The body may be past its "best before" date, but the mind is not so restricted. I'm just now struggling to grow up. As you see, it's not all that easy! :)