Saturday 18 October 2003

Pic of the day: Took this screenshot like ten days ago. Doesn't seem so dark, does it?

Strangeness & horizontal prayer

You remember how I kept writing about this online game, Rubies of Eventide, last week and the week before? Well, with the onset of the weekend I had some time to play it again. The icon is still on my desktop, so it was just a small double-click away. But strangely, as I was about to start the program, I felt a kind of resistance inside. It did not really feel like my conscience, either; more like a weak phobia, a kind of distaste like the sight of a bug near your food. But I remember how much I had liked playing that game only a few days ago, so I started it anyway.

The feeling got worse. I think I managed to play for between one and two minutes. By the time I exited the game, I was so tense it was difficult to breathe. The feeling I had when the game started reminded me of walking into a cave or a tunnel: Moving from brightness to dark, from openness to confinement. A sense of claustrophobia set upon me, even though the game largely takes place outdoors. It was a confinement of the mind. My chest did not relax for the rest of the evening, approximately one hour, before I went to bed.

To dislike a game is nothing unusual, and to change one's mind is also part of life. But I can think of nothing that has happened in these 10 days that would change my mind on this matter. And even if it did, I am hard-pressed to see how it would cause such an emotional and even physical reaction. Obviously something has changed deep inside me without my awareness. That is kind of creepy by itself, don't you think?

***

One obvious explanation (at least for me as a Christian) is that someone may have been praying for me - or perhaps we should say praying about me? I have also noticed for the last few days that I suddenly find myself singing hymns and spiritual songs that I have not even heard for several years. That's fine by me; I like the songs and would probably have played them if they existed on CD or MiniDisc or as MP3 files. It is not uncommon for me to sing Christian songs for myself either; it happens perhaps daily on average, sometimes much more. But why does this happen now? With songs I did not even know I still remembered? And why so out of the blue?

It could be an automatic compensation, I admit. After all, my religion is an important part of my life. Spending so much time thinking about imaginary magic and imaginary violence and even imaginary demons... maybe it was simply necessary to create some balance. Perhaps my subconscious just tries to remind me of who I am. This is certainly the scientific explanation. C.G Jung would have been proud of me, I guess.

But let me, just for the sake of completeness, explore the other and more mystical possibility, even without a trace of evidence. At the very least it should be of some interest to curious Christians and NewAgers.

***

I don't practice magic and prefer to live my life as if no such thing exists. Usually this works quite well: If magic actually does exist, it is certainly not an important part of everyday life. Prayer, when incorrectly done, has much in common with magic. It is a means to impose my will on the world by nonphysical means. Usually when people do this, they believe they are doing God's will. After all, it is God they are talking to; if he didn't agree with them, he could just say so. And even if he didn't say anything, he could just cancel their requests, right? Yes, that would be right... if they were actually talking to God!

But Jesus says that God is spirit and so they who worship him must worship in truth and spirit. He does not say they must worship him in words and form. But this is all too common. After all, it works reasonably well when we talk to other people: If we mention their name or title when we start to address them, it is safe to assume that the rest of our speech is directed at them. But they are not spirits, or rather they are not purely spirits, and talking to them is not a spiritual act. The rules are subtly different in the spiritual world. You may start to address God, but your mind is fixed on something or someone else. In this case it is entirely possible that you bypass God and connect directly to the spirit entity in charge of your subject matter. And if you want to change another person's behavior, the spirit entity would be that person's human spirit. (Or possibly a guardian angel, but let us keep them out of this for now. This is certainly confusing enough already!)

If you are simply praying a blessing, there should be little difference in practice: You would simply attempts to raise the other person's spiritual energy level. Even in that case God-prayer would be more efficient, as you would not need to deplete your own spiritual energy but could simply channel divine energy or love. But even if you blessed horizontally, it would be nice for the receiver.

The problem arises when you have some desire. And I don't mean just sexual desire, I mean you really wish something for yourself or another. It could still be a good and pious thing, like you want them to stop drinking or taking drugs or playing demon-infested computer games. You mean well. But if you actually have the spiritual power to pull it through (not an obvious thing, but some are stronger in their spirit than others) ... then the other person would be prodded to do your bidding. This probably happens a lot more often than we think, if it works at all (and as a Christian I am kinda honor-bound to assume it does). For instance if you are in love with someone and pray for them. You don't pray that they will love you back, but your whole mind is filled with that kind of feelings. If your spirit connects with their spirit, then your attitude would be transferred to them and attempt to attract them. See now how similar this is to good old magic?

***

As I said, I am not convinced that I am the victim of spiritual pressure. I could simply be fed up with the game, or it could be incompatible with the other things on my mind right now. It is kinda engrossing, and I am already using my imagination for other purposes, as you may have noticed! But it just made me think of this particular part of my religion, which I feel that my fellow believers are way too little aware of. I am told that in America, some people even pray for their sports team to win a match!! The mind scarcely has the courage to boggle, as an old acquaintance used to say. May God bless his arrogant little soul. ^_^