Wednesday 15 October 2003

Pic of the day: Sunset. What kind of picture did you expect?

Got stones?

Normally I wouldn't be too happy if some young man, who I've never seen before, poked me and told me I've got no stones. But today was not quite a normal day. Then again, how many are?

***

It started already by midnight. I had been told to not eat or drink anything and to not chew gum, from midnight and until after the ultrasound examination. I followed these instructions carefully, although I did brush my teeth... And in the morning, instead of going to work, I went to the X-ray Center. That's what they call it, although in my case they did not take any x-ray pictures, only ultrasound.

I found the reception easily enough, and the line was short. The friendly lady behind the counter confirmed my appointment and asked me to pay a moderate amount. Lost in my own little world I didn't notice the card terminal right in front of my nose, and paid with cash. This just happened to be nearly all the cash I was carrying on my humble person. Oh well. I was then directed to a waiting room labeled "mammography", where a few women were already waiting. There was also a large picture on the wall, but this was not mammalian in nature: It showed the horrible results of osteoporosis in an elderly woman's spine.

Time and women came and went, while I alternated between meditating, glancing at the women (not their mammaries, though) and glancing at the sign. But eventually a young man arrived and showed me to a small rather dark room. He told me to take off my clothes on my upper body and to pull my trousers a little bit down. I noticed that he looked somewhat like a bishounen from Japanese manga. Or perhaps I just imagined that ... as I said, it was fairly dark. He squeezed some jelly onto my stomach; it was rather cold. Then he poked me with a barcode reader all over my stomach and abdomen for long long time. (It still hurts little bit where he poked the hardest, just under my rib cage.) Then he told me I had no stones and asked me to pull my trousers a bit further down.

He did not find any stones in my bladder either, not that I had expected him to. I had neither kidney stones nor gall bladder stones. I had frankly not expected either, but I guess it is always better to know for sure. I guess. Anyway, my doctor wanted this test done, so done it is. Actually my doctor had only called for the kidney stone test, but hey, I guess it was included in the price. The guy even told me that he had been unable to study the digestive tract because of the large quantity of gas in the intestines. Well, excuse me. If I had known that this was important, I would have put my little soul into farting with a vengeance all through the morning. But I had only been told to not eat, drink or chew, so I didn't. I've been a good boy. Nobody said anything about outgassing. And the computer print-out only mentioned kidney stones, anyway.

***

That's my story, and I stick with it. Now off to watch Naruto, the ninja anime with an attitude. Tomorrow: Human excretions and a new dragon. Look forward to it!