Wednesday 24 October 2001

Pic of the day: This picture is from my visit to Norway's west coast this summer, and the farm where I grew up. This waterfall runs into the pond where I used to bathe when I was young and innocent. Well, innocent ... untried is probably a better word. Untested. Still, it's pretty, isn't it? And it will still be pretty 100 years from now. We humans are not so stable.

Measure of your soul

OK, it's only been 4 days. Not exactly a record, but I think it's enough to classify my interest for King of Dreams as a personal fad. More significant, perhaps, even my invisible friend is starting to quote it now. In the city today I found myself in one of those everyday temptations which could go either way. Then suddenly this voice in my head (OK, thought in my head is probably more correct) chided me: "The very measure of your soul is at stake..." I guess in a way that's true, too. Temptation is where we define ourselves, is it not?

Once we give in to one temptation often enough, there will be new temptations that go further. Conversely, once we overcome a temptation often enough that it ceases to be a serious temptation, we will get new projects of change in our lives. Actually, it is my experience that the new ones come long before the previous is finished. It's like headlights shining far ahead. But the general principle still holds, I think.

I guess even if my soul is not at stake (which is in itself debatable) the measure of my soul could still be at stake. How far will I grow? Or shrink? Where will my final limits be, ethically?

***

I keep forgetting that to most people, "temptation" is a positive word. It is an opportunity to enjoy oneself. (Or others, tee hee.) I understand that lots of people have fairly constant ethical standards, even though the actual level varies from person to person. If they fail to live up to their standards, they will eventually lower the standards until life and standards meet. And then ethics are not really an important part of life anymore. Other interests take priority, such as money or football.

I don't think I could live like that. If I were satisfied with myself, I would probably start to slip. Indeed, this has happened in some parts of my life, most notably my job ambitions I guess. While in other areas the opposite has happened. I have reached out again and again, and the rainbow has kept moving ahead of me.

For instance, I suspect that now that I've cut severely down on buying new clothes, other pleasures are next. But I don't think computers will be the first to be axed. After all, computers are an extension to our brain, while clothes are an extension to our hair. I for one value my brain a lot more than my hair. Your mileage may vary, but I doubt it varies much if you are reading this. :)

***

What is the measure of our soul anyway? By what weight or measuring tape is it measured? In what unit is its size listed, and how its quality? How do you grade or classify souls?

Is it by the works that we do? Or by the sacrifices we bring to do them? Certainly doing a simple task is a much greater deed if you are bound to a wheelchair or suffering pain. Certainly inspiring others is more impressive when you yourself suffer from shyness and anxiety. And certainly reaching an academic goal is more admirable if you are not born bright and rich. Yet there are many who live lives of sacrifice and are never discovered by the general public. Others are admired even though they do what comes naturally to them. Some are even looked up to for their good looks! Hardly a worthy measure of their soul. But how they handle fame and admiration can define their soul very well indeed.

Who can know the quality of another's soul? But sometimes we are put to a test. The tests can vary. For some, it may be losing all that they thought they had. Losing wealth and status, losing friends and loved ones, even their health. When they are bereft of all, the content of their heart may be revealed: Are they bitter and feel that they deserved better, or are they humble and thankful for what little they have left, or for the time they got to live the good life?

But often people are tested in the opposite way, by good days and plenty. And the danger of this test is that you do not notice you are tested. All too often we see, at least with males, that they grow in self-importance and even self-righteousness along with the growth of their salary and status. As if their pay is Fate's judgement of their moral worth.

I guess I am after all lucky to be judged by a friendly chiding "voice" in my soul, reminding me where to go and what to do, even though I often don't agree. At least not at once.