Fryday 21 May 1999

It's Friday!
I don't care if Monday's blue, Tuesday's gray and Wednesday too; Thursday, I don't care about you: It's FRIDAY - I'm in love ...
Oh wait, I'm not in love. Or at least I hope not! But I love this music. It's ... well, not just like Heaven, but it does make me feel high, and there's this strange attraction ... but of course a lovesong is never enough...
OK, I better cut it there, or I'll try to mix in all the titles in this diary, and that would be too strange even for me. I find it extremely unlikely that any Cure fans would ever come to this site. And they certainly wouldn't stay long. I don't belong to that subculture. Then again, I don't belong very much at all. I can go along with people for a while, but sooner or later they'll always find out that I just plain ain't like them.

This might be a good time to pour myself a drink, put on the western music and settle down to cry. Except ... I'm pretty satisfied with being me. I'm more bothered by the fact that so few other people are like me. To use the roleplaying language, I'd like to think that all the others are Playing Characters too. Sometimes I look at the people in the street and think about the fact that in their mind, they are at least as important and as much the center of the world as I am in mine. Sometimes I look at the houses that I pass by and think that behind those windows are homes at least as real as my own, entire lives being lived, intertwined.

And then sometimes I wonder. Do they just play their roles so well, or are some of them Non Playing Characters: Just part of the game, with no designs outside the simple tasks set for them? If not, why can they not sometimes sit back and wonder about it all? This life is so short (and also very narrow). I see people who are just as intelligent as me, who channel all this brain power into a career. Sure, money and status is cool and will presumably impress the chicks. Grow up, reproduce, die. Does it matter if you're doing this all consciously or if you just follow the crowd? It's not like your great-great-grandchildren will know. Ah, but you will know. You know if you've been true to yourself or just done what others expected from you.