Friday 6 May 2005

Pic of the day: Screenshot from the anime Windy Tales.

Return of the Darkening

Had another attack of my mysterious illness today. At work, just after finishing a late breakfast. I'm not convinced that the breakfast had anything to do with it, though. It was a mix of low-fat dairy products which I have eaten for years, and also recently, with no ill effects. I did notice one more detail this time, though. And I am more than ever in doubt whether this is really a gastrointestinal problem at all.

I have thought so for two reasons: First, the most obvious and outward symptoms come from my digestive tract. Two, I had repeated attacks of it during the week of yellow stool (which presumably has anything to do with liver or gall bladder, my doctor thought it was a virus infection of some kind).

On the other hand, I had several attacks last year and one diary entry from several years ago describes what looks like a typical Darkening, as I call them. And that name is a key to why I think it may be something else. In addition to the gastrointestinal symptoms, there are neurological ones. The feeling of deep cold, for instance. I'm not just shivering from fear, although fear is understandable too: In the wild, diarrhea is a major cause of death especially for children and the old. But this is a palpable feeling of cold, as if I'd been sleeping in a way too cold room and just woke up on the verge of hypothermia. I don't get that from food poisoning.

Then there is the temporary loss of intelligence. I noticed that today, perhaps because I was at work and thought that I should at least try to do some work in between the runs to the WC. But I couldn't. I could no more do it than a small child would. My brain simply did not take my orders. I would hate to take an IQ test at such a time, but if I did, it would have shown me to be severely retarded, of that I am sure.

Finally, there is the symptom that always comes toward the end of the attack: An irresistible sleepiness, as if I had been awake for two days and nights, making me sink into brief but mindless sleep even sitting in my chair.

I have no idea at all what causes this. But the feeling of cold seems to be an essential part. As I wrote last month, the only thing that can halt an attack in progress is to immerse myself in heat, such as the hot air from an electric space heater. By now, I even wear a winter jacket to work although it is spring, because if I get a Darkening, I will need all the heat I can get.