Tuesday 4 March 2003

Pic of the day: Invisible inner adult.

Delusions of grandeur

I was walking down the main street of Kristiansand today, my MD player repeating the intro music to the "Happy World" anime. I was on my way to the drop-in hair salon on the other side of the city, for a much needed haircut. As I approached one of the few crossing streets with car traffic, I felt my energy started to gather like it does in dreams before I teleport. I was appropriately startled, since I never teleport except in dreams, and not very often even then. It was a dream skill I only acquired well into adulthood, and later improved with help from another dreamer. I doubt I could have done it in this world ever.

'But you could have sent your mind ahead to see whether there was free space in the salon before you walked all that way' said a thought in my head. 'There is' said another with conviction. (It was.) 'I guess I could' replied I, 'if I had not given up psionics 10 years ago and rooted it out from my life. No, 15 years ago.' '15 years of psionic development the way you had started' mused the thought wistfully. 'How far you could have come...'

And then I saw it again. It's been a long time, but there it was, larger than ever. The transparent titan, above me and ahead of me, looming over the rooftops. And like every time before, I felt that it was me, or rather a part of me, or an extension of me ... the inner me, unleashed. Or the potential inner me, rather. Anyway, in a momentary vision I saw it again, and I realized that I had after all done the right thing 15 years ago.

***

Back then, I stopped the emptiness meditation and prayed to God to take away the psionic effect that had started to grow more and more frequent until then. At times later I have thought that it was a bit over the top to erase it all. It was sometimes convenient to know some things without learning them, even though it seemed to happen randomly and not when I tried to. It was kind of interesting to sometimes know what people were thinking, and fun to watch their reaction when I told them. But it was getting out of hand, and I know today that it just could not continue that way.

***

What would have happened if I had chosen the opposite path from there? Would I now be a well respected utility mage, whom people would call when they needed furniture moved to the top floor apartment? Or at least a famous telepath, regularly used by the police to scan the thought of suspects in murder cases? Or would I be a heavily sedated psychotic, unfit for all useful work while convinced that I was some kind of greater cosmic entity?

I think it is pretty obvious which of these alternatives are the most realistic. Even I, who have never been described as "eager to fit in" by anyone ever, would have trouble surviving a head-on collision with consensus reality. It was tough enough for Jesus, and you may quote me on this: I am definitely not Jesus.

A more likely outcome however is me becoming some kind of New Age freak. I might have a web site dedicated to mysticism and paranormal phenomena, and a small circle of moderately disturbed middle-aged women writing me for advice on anything from finding lost objects to saving their soul. Hmm. Not a big difference then, except now the women are younger and saner... ^_^