Wednesday 2 June 1999

Been a bit sick today. Apart from that, a wonderful day. Sunny but not too hot. The webjournaller known as "justagirl" is still alive, which is good too. And I still get ticklish all over from reading Strangers in Paradise, though this is certain to pass too. I'm afraid I identify a bit strongly with David, the nice nice guy. That feeling didn't exactly diminish when the married chick threw herself at him. Oh man. I wonder if this happens to all nice guys? (The jerks, of course, don't have that problem. They're already married to those chicks.) And I wondered if most nice guys have a murky past too? -At least I never killed anyone. Except in my dreams, and that hardly counts, even dreams too many to remember.

Actually, I've thought, again. And concluded that not all nice guys are alike. I think some are born with a lot of empathy, and happen to not have it destroyed early on. They're natural good guys (or gals). Then there are the good guys who aren't really good guys, but they can't make themselves stand up for their needs and wants. And then there are the nice guys who fully expect to cash in their bonus points from humans and god alike. Finally, there's us who have seen such darkness in ourselves that we go out of our way to not wake it up. Seems David may be that kind of nice guy. If so, things could get hairy. Lucky thing he's just a fictional character.

Then again, ain't we all? Even your best friend thinks differently about you than yourself.

I've reflected on the fact that a disproportionate number of my favorite web journals seem to be written by people who have had quite a bit of uphill in their lives. Al of Nova Notes has not one but two autistic children. Sure, they figure frequently in his journal, but not in the form of whining. Some reflection and a lot of love. And the guy somehow finds the time to not only update the journal every single day (or so it seems so far) but even make a hand-made drawing for each day. The mind scarcely has the courage to boggle.
And the freelance writer GabGab suffers from heavy attacks of epilepsy, which forces her to use brain-altering drugs to make sure she stays alive. Still she entertains the world with humor and irony for free, day after day after day.
There's also a surprising number of gays, lesbians and transsexuals in the web journal wilderness. Not that I'm putting that in the same class, but I understand that in fundamentalist countries they can have a pretty harsh day unless they hide like rats in a hole. Not sure if it's like that here - I don't know any gays, or at least if I do, they don't dare tell it to me...