Thursday 2 June 2005

Pic of the day: A time for somber reflection.

Heart scare

After work, I took a walk to the shop and bought some food, since there wasn't all that much left in the fridge. (Not that was edible anymore, at least!) It was a nice enough trip, although it is still on the chilly side here. Almost every day in May has been like that. Anyway, I got warm enough from the brisk walking. I came home and as usual walked around a bit in the living room, letting my body cool down gently. After a little while, I drank – slowly – less than a glass of milk fermented with probiotic bacteria. Yes, there's a lot more of this stuff now and a lot less chocolate. I have had the same plate of chocolate in the cupboard for three weeks, or is it a month? Not sure. I nibble at it, but not every day, perhaps not every week either.

Despite all this, the following happened. I had finished drinking the first glass and was walking over to the table to open the bag with new rye bread. (It is a particularly tasty bread, and I have slowly started to eat it again now that I can eat again.) Suddenly pain shot through my stomach on the left side, lower than the breastbone. So, clearly not a heart attack. The pain was intense, passed fast and left a kind of "pain afterimage" ... that's the only word I can think of to explain it, like the afterimage you get if you get a glimpse of the sun reflected from an unexpected place. Only it was not visual, it was pain. Weird. But weirder still, as I was still reeling from this, my pulse began to run. I sensed that something was amiss, and looked at my pulse watch, I had not yet taken it off. My heart was speeding up, and up, and up. At first I was only moderately concerned, thinking it was an effect of the sudden pain. But it just kept going up.

I have had this before, but not often. Since it came out of the blue like that, and after an hour of exercise (albeit light exercise for the most part), I thought it might be serious after all. I stepped into a pair of old shoes and went outdoors, and rang the bell to the elderly neighbors upstairs. By now my pulse had reached 178, slightly above the theoretical max pulse, and my senses were starting to fade, but not fully gone. When the elderly woman opened the door, I said: "Please help me. I seem to have a heart problem." She showed me a chair and went for the phone. (I had not tried to call the emergency number myself because I expected that I might lose consciousness while trying to call. This happened on a completely different occasion.)

I told the lady to wait a little before calling, and true enough: Within another minute my heart had started to slow down. Eventually my pulse stabilized around 100. It is still twice my rest pulse, but I suppose I was not exactly at rest at the time. As you know, I am not all that strong in my faith, and I do consider my life worth quite a bit. I am almost certainly overestimating it, but it's a pretty big deal to me, since I know so little about what comes next. Anyway, we did not call emergency, but sat and talked for a quarter of an hour, perhaps half an hour. They had their own troubles, of course. But as they subtly pointed out, at least they had each other. I suppose it has its benefits, once in a while, to not live totally, completely, utterly alone.

It took another couple hours before my pulse was completely down to its normal after-exercise levels, but I spent that time in my own apartment, reflecting on the briefness of life, and informing my friends electronically of the event.

It is probably not a big deal. But as long as the heart hits max pulse, something is not right either. The phone hours of my doctor is from 8:30AM to 9:00AM, so tomorrow Friday I will call him and inform him of the episode. In particular, I need to know if this should influence my exercise. It was him who recommended 1 hour of brisk walking each day. I haven't actually done that, although I have been gradually stepping up toward it this spring.

From what I read at the hospital the first time I had my heart checked, it is not uncommon to have such episodes. A strong heart can live with them from time to time, and it is not fatal in itself. Only if the heart loses its rhythm and the various parts are not able to contract in the right order, or if it goes on for a very long time. The heart can not get exhausted in the same way that leg muscles do, but there are still limits, which is why old people don't generally run up hills unless they have built up to it gradually over years. (Some elderly people actually do run marathon. Occasionally one of them die while doing it. But occasionally elderly people die while gardening, laughing or on the potty too. Life is great fun but temporary. I know that and a part of me accepts it. But the main part of me wants some more decades before I sail beyond the sunset. I don't really think today was a sign that my application for more decades has been rejected. But it is not exactly a resounding affirmative either.