Monday 26 July 1999

In the news today, I learned that a Norwegian priest was asking people to submit the names and adresses of abortion doctors, for publishing on his website. A site where these people are called murderers who kill for profit. Now this ticks me off. I genuinely liked these few bedraggled protestors, a couple priests kicked out of the state-owned church because they stood on what they believed. I think it is quite cool that they do the usual crucified fetus trick, too: If you don't like it, just forget it, like I do, just like we forget the hungry children in Africa and the child prostitutes in Asia. At least these people believed in something. Their religion actually affected their life.

And then this. Who do they think they are kidding? If you want to pray for the doctors, you don't need their address (unless you have a particularly small and stupid god). Now if you want to kill them, like they do over in America, then the address comes in quite handy.

Threats? You do a stupid thing, little preacher, by choosing to duel with the weapons of the devil. He has a lot more training than you have. Now, if you're found in a pool of blood one morning, people will shrug and say that you fell in the grave you were digging. You die not as a martyr, but as a failed terrorist.

Now, to tick off the rest of the populace, I need a quote from the Bible. That always seems to do the trick. And just to be sure to insult as many as possible, I'll dig up Psalms 37, verse 28: "For the LORD loves the just and will not forsake his faithful ones. They will be protected forever, but the offspring of the wicked will be cut off".
OK, say you're one of those crucifetus wielding anti abortionists. You think that killing one's own unborn child must be pretty wicked, huh? Well, if so, the Scripture (the Word Of God, Holy Bible etc) says that the kids will be cut off. So, there you have it. There is no gainsaying the Scripture (etc). God wills it! God wills it!

Think I'm kidding? Read on for my defense of God. Now, why would any self respecting deity kill off innocent kids by the thousands, even with the voluntary assistance of health personnel? I mean, it's not the kid's fault or anything.
OK, you're in the queue for incarnation. You look at your ticket, and what do you see? Not one, but BOTH of your parents are so improbably stupid as to not guess WHY nature made sex pleasurable in the first place. You'd think that at least one of them had the good grace to make some effort not to do it right around ovulation with no protection if they didn't mean to invite you. But no. And not only are you heir to a double set of stupidity genes, but your own mother actually wants you dead. Your father probably too, unless he's already out of there. Man what a start in life! Now if you got the offer of skipping the whole life thing and go straight to level 2, what would you do?

Hey, no need to thank me. I've been an equal opportunity insulter since the days of my diapers. (Textile, by the way, reusable.) Man what a little stinker I must have been already. Some things never change.

Now, to my defense I must say that I don't run around making girls pregnant when they didn't mean to. Of course, this just might be lack of opportunity; but we'll never know until I've been seriously tempted. If you feel like tempting me, send an e-mail and we'll work out a reasonable time and place for temptation. I am particularly partial to wiggling and bouncing. Fluttering is OK too. You have to pay your own travel expenses, of course. And there's still no guarantee that I won't overcome.