Thursday 7 January 1999

Yesterday I heard again the song "In the year 2525". I don't know by whom or from when. I still find myself humming that melody. It's really my kind of tune, though I am less impressed with the lyrics. The text. I hate to know that I'm probably going to forget the melody again in a few hours or days and never remember it again (unless I stumble on it accidentally once more). How much beautiful music have I lost this way? Then again, sometimes I have accidentally found a melody that I thought lost forever. (Why should oblivion have all the good music?)

I honestly think I miss singing more than sex. I mean, I do sing. Quite a lot, actually. When I'm alone. And even when I'm not singing, humming or whistling, there's often music inside me. But I can't sing with others. Or with an instrument, for that matter. I tried from my childhood and for years into my adult life, albeit less and less often, until I just gave it up and accepted defeat. I can not get my voice to align itself with any external sound source. And now that I rarely speak more than a few words an hour (that's at work, and nothing at home) my vocal cords are not exactly doing bodybuilding either. I'm getting used to it - you can get used to a lot - but sometimes it just comes back to me. Such as with Friend singing a song that I love too, and I just want to sing along but I can't ... I'm like an instrument all over just longing to sound but it's broken, broken for ever. Man, that hurts.

On a brighter note, today there's one week to a certain personage's birthday. I'm keeping count! No presents, promise! But I bought a card. My apologies to all the people who don't get any birthday greetings from me. The key is to gently, casually remind me well before the fact, and keep doing this every barking year until it's imprinted into the brain stem or somewhere close. Of course, it helps to be a special friend too. :)

Oh - that was one whole bar of Toblerone... It tastes so good it just must be healthy!
Good night world!