Monday 10 January 2000

Pic of the day: What do Quakers have to do with advanced potty training? Keep reading, and all will be clear!

Introductory note to overseas readers: The Norwegian alphabet contains two characters that are alien to the English language. The letter ø can be short (like the u in burn) or long (like the ea in learn). The å is always long, like the aw in awful.

American computers have not always handled alien tribal symbols in a respectful way, but rather just cut any parts that did not fit in. And so arose the story which may or may not be true, but is certainly credible, about two Norwegian business associates on a trip to America. Their fairly typical Norwegian names were Løvås and Sørås. They travelled together, happily unaware that their names were being Americanized to Lovas and Soras ... until on the airport where there was a message on the loudspeaker for "Mr Love-ass and Mr Sore-ass".

Well, today I am Mr Sore-ass. Despite my accumulated knowledge on the matter, I continue to run my digestion the way the Norwegian governments run our economy: Cyclically. They tend to put on the brakes when things slow down, and speed up when the economy is racing, because they act on the symptoms and not the causes. Against my better judgement, I do the same. So when my digestion was slowing down over the weekend, I did not wait for the chocolate and yoghurt to kick it into gear. I ate a small portion of "Quaker" breakfast cereals. Ouch.

I have no idea why, but breakfast cereals do unspeakable things to my digestion. Like making my intestines rush madly for the nearest exit. I understand that breakfast cereals are actually designed to do this. Which is such a shame, since they taste good. I must admit that this gives me some disturbing thoughts about the Quaker society. I personally think that something has gone horribly wrong with the potty training if a large part of the populace get a kick out of emptying their bowels forcefully and painfully. But to each their own. I am not keen on piercing, either. Or carousels. Or ladies with whips.

Love-ass: I have got only positive feedback on my index page for the half year or so that it has existed in its current form. However, the positive feedback is mainly on the picture of the bright yellow butt in the window... (And if it can be any solace for my pious friends, this enthusiasm seems to be for its entertainment value. I have not had any e-mails from eager gays wanting to give me a crash course in the delights of anal intercourse. Which is just as well, as I am not buying.)

Since new year, I have been toying with the thought of redesigning my index page. For one thing, the journal has slowly shifted more towards text. The large "photo gallery" on the index page may give the impression that this is a "photo diary", which is not quite correct. I guess it would look better with some kind of drawing in that place. Too bad I can't draw. (I gave up on becoming an engineer mainly because of that. Well, that and I got a job.)

I've also thought about combining illustration and navigation, finally. I may be a slow learner or something. I mean, since I already have a table for the navigation links. And I already have a big picture. If the browsers can handle this, they would also be able to handle a table of illustrated links. And with good ALT texts, it would be no worse for those who browse without pictures. (This can really speed up your browsing, people. Consider it if you have a slow connection.)

In fact, I guess the current layout screams of picture navigation. That's why I put on a notice that the picture is solely decorative. I bet there's a lot of first time visitors clicking on my butt anyway, just to make sure. So I might as well change the layout. Or what do you think? Of course, this would probably mean totally different pictures. I can't, for instance, think of any sub-part of my site that is best illustrated by my stately backside. Which may be just as well. I guess it has served its time.

In rather unrelated news, I have tentatively written down chapter 2 of the fantasy story "Sunder, the were-god". I have chapter 1 in my head, but it is still somewhat fluid. It may not even be necessary at all, as the information may eventually be inferred from the later chapters. Oh well. I am not going to finish it anyway. I never do. Just playing around. This time one of the characters actually said something so well put that I wish I had thought of it myself! Well, actually it was her mother who used to say it. "Hate has no handle, only blade." -I've never heard that one before ... The things you can learn from the voices in your head! ;)