Wednesday 5 January 2000

Pic of the day: Just add pasta, save a bundle. It's healthier, too.

So I took a day off and I do feel better. I hope I'll be back in town tomorrow. For one thing, there is no chocolate left. (And precious little other perishables, though the cache of pasta should be enough to tie me though a few more weeks if need be ...) Not that I really need to keep up my current weight, but it is not uncomfortable, while not eating is.

Shopping groceries is usually like a quickie thing for me. In, get the business done, and out. I have a pretty good idea what I want to buy, because I've bought it for years. One or two liter of low-fat milk, 6 or 9 portion boxes of yoghurt, a bread if there's not enough at home, a refill of chocolate powder for the chocolate milk if there's not a couple of these at home, and a packet of dried pasta of some kind. Occasionally I may buy a small package of liver paste and a mayo-based salad. On Saturdays also a bottle or two of soda.

But lately I've sometimes looked around. There is a big world of groceries. There are many different types of rice, for instance. Why would anyone want many different types of rice?? I can see how some people want their rice white while others want it whole, but there are long rows of various rice. And soups, and sauces, oh my. Dozens of sauces, most of which I can only guess how are pronounced. (If Worchestershiresauce is anything to measure by, I better not even try to say them out loud in mixed company.) And so on and on. Lots of different taco shells, lots of different flatbreads, pita breads and what not. Can there possibly be buyers for all those, or is it a kind of prestige project?

Now after being suitably impressed by the enormous wealth of exotic foods, I try to find something for dinner. I pick up a random little bag of dried ingredients. Just add ground beef. Huh? Next. Just add ham. Just add beef. Just add mutton. Just add sausages, for pity's sake. OK! Careful reading shows that you are supposed to add large quantities of meat if you want to eat anything for dinner. Come on! I'm not a vegetarian, but the idea of eating large quantities of meat strikes me as weird. Like most newmen, I work mainly with my brain, which runs on sugar. (Glucose, actually, easily made from sugars and starches.) I don't run around digging trenches all day. I'm not growing anymore either. Why would I want high-density nourishment, rich in saturated fats and proteins? I am already saturated in fat, remember.

So what do I do? Do I sit down in the sixth aisle and cry? Do I write angry letters to the manufacturers, holding them responsible for the death of innocent meat-eaters? No, and no. I add a suitable amount of starch-based food (typically pasta) to my dinner, when I even make dinner. Which is not every day. There is another hurdle, you see.

"Gives 4 portions." Seen that before? That's approximately a week of dinner for us non-digging dignitaries. Someone must have slept through the fission of the nuclear family. With all due respect for the fascinating tastes of the Italian, Greek, Thai or Creole kitchen ... you don't want to have the exact same dinner four days in a row.

It's all an evil capitalist conspiracy, I tell you. They make it so difficult so people like me shall go out and eat on restaurants. There certainly are more and more restaurants, with strange names too. And then we will have to work more to afford eating out, because that costs immensely much more than making your own dinner. This way, they keep the wheels turning...

We (Norwegians and Americans) have more time-saving gadgets than any civilization has ever had. And to pay for them all, we work longer and longer. The average work week has been climbing, not to mention that now men and women alike drag money home to the cave. Before it was usually only one of them out there. In America, it has become normal to take work home too: First you work all day, then you go home ... and work some more!! Now that's sick. Of course, we Norwegians are bound to follow suit, like the loyal poodle of America that we are.

You know, if we get more time-saving and work-saving machines now, we are going to collapse from exhaustion. (And then we'll have to work even harder to pay the medical bills.)

Down with the system! Down with normalcy! Off with its head!

Ahem. I guess I should get some sleep. Or at least turn off that lava lamp thingie.