Saturday 14 February 2004

Pic of the day: One way to connect. (From the anime Momoiro Sisters, a funny and heart-warming anime about shameful things. Adult subjects but not pornographic.) This picture is as Valentine as I'll get today. Deal with it.

Connected, disconnected

I have trouble with my new home network. It worked fine the first evening, but the next day something weird happened. I connected to the Internet through the home network, then switched to my "gamer" account to play DAoC. When I have switched users while Internet was running, I had always before got a question about whether to leave the connection up. Even on this machine the first evening. But now the machine simply disconnected from the Bluetooth network, and thereby also from the Internet. No warning, no questions asked.

It is not a big deal really, since I don't plan to switch between accounts a lot. I am, after all, only one person (though you may wonder sometimes). But the whole thing got me thinking again about connecting and disconnecting.

***

I have mentioned this before, but just a short recap. Until fairly recently, depression was rarely diagnosed in men because they did not break down in tears. Instead they just reported feeling "disconnected". (And evidently less energetic, but that symptom would be hard to use on me since I've been lazy since well before first grade ....)

My favorite illustration of this effect is from the extraordinary comic "Watchmen", in which the world's only real superhuman is a former nuclear scientist who has learned too much about space and time. This "Dr. Manhattan", after an argument with his girlfriend, instantly relocates to Mars. I still think that's entertaining, and I thought so even before John Gray's book "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus". If a man suddenly claims to need space, he may be on his way to Mars ...

Anyway, it's all about me. I was taking this walk and there was snow with bare patches and the weather was good. Although the colors are still missing, there is a stark beauty to the white and the dark of late winter not yet ready to become spring. And as I walked along the road, I thought to myself: I don't need a woman to connect to this world. I am already a part of creation, a tiny piece of the big puzzle; I fit right in.

This, of course, was always the case. (Well, after the umbilical cord was cut, I guess.) As a child, I spent countless hours in the mountain and the forest and particularly along the rivers and streams. Alone, I was free. Sometimes telling myself stories, sometimes just watching the moving water or the clouds. I was all alone, far away from everything and still a part of everything. Always connected.

***

It is the social world I have a hard time connecting to without a human interface. Then again, my social needs are moderate. I can see how status, reputation and a social network were important in the past where only the successful were guaranteed food, shelter and mating rights. These days food and shelter are almost too plentiful in our part of the world. It comes down to the mating, then.

Of course, mating is important. If even one of my millions of ancestors had failed to mate, I would not even be here. So yeah, it's a pretty big thing. For my children. Not for me. I am already here. And so are 6 billion other people. Yeah, I suppose almost any contribution from me would help improve the human gene pool. But that's for the women to worry about and come up with ideas as to how to secure my genes for their offspring. If they fail to do that (and they most likely would, even if they tried) that's their kids' problem, to be born without my exceptional intelligence, congenial modesty and really subtle sense of humor.

In short, then, I have to agree with Dr Manhattan: Humans interest me, perhaps I will create some. (As in creative writing, not as in procreation.) But I guess I should try to catch up with this journal before I continue my novel. Or what do you think? Feel free to connect with me anytime.