Monday 25 February 2002

Pic of the day: I just felt it fitted somehow. Sorry, it's a fractal, not a heavenly vision. I'm notoriously bad at taking screenshot of those. This will have to do.

Emotional spirituality

I can't imagine
life without your love;
and even forever
doesn't seem like long enough...
Every time I breathe, I take you in
and my heart beats again...

Backstreet Boys: Drowning.

You know, without the credits, it would be anyone's guess whether this was a love song or a hymn of praise to God. I'd probably tend to see it in the latter way.

***

James Redfield, in his easily read books (both fiction and non-fiction), describes a world in which humans are continually searching for a special kind of energy. Our physical needs filled, we look for inner energy, attention energy. But most people are unable to connect to the cosmic reservoir of energy that has plenty enough for us all. So they keep trying to get energy from one another, and only that. For this purpose they develop various strategies. Some negative, some positive.

When love is reciprocated, there is a positive feedback of attention. This is why most people so much want it. And this is why I gladly avoid it. For while I may lack some energy when it comes to dusting off, I tend to have plenty of "Redfield energy". I shudder at the idea of an out-of-control escalating spiral of positive attention with a mortal. That could burn out the sanity of most humans, and quite possibly myself in the process. I already dampen myself quite a bit when I'm with the few friends I have. It has become a custom for me. Restraint, restraint. Don't jump on them and lick their faces, OK? ^_^*

I feel a lot more free with my God. I don't need to be on my best behavior for fear of scaring or overwhelming. That is good. Yeah, it gets a bit unbalanced toward the spiritual side, but sometimes you have to choose. Were I a more balanced person from the outset, things would have been different. But then I would probably not have been so happy.

***

It's kind of funny, for I am quite cautious of overly emotional religion. It creeps me out when people talk about being the Bride of Christ as if it were some personal goal. I also used to scorn Christians who sat down to read the Bible without reflecting on what they read or even remembering it. Lately I have considered that they probably just practiced the presence of God. Probably people do the same in churches. They go there and they experience something emotionally, but not with their intellect. They come out and still don't understand at all.

For me these things have been, uh, separate but equal? I need to stretch both my intellectual and emotional muscles, and in none of the cases I trust my poor fellow humans to stand up to the onslaught, without me restraining myself, all the time, all the way. And that is kind of unsatisfying, you know. Also, frankly, I am not sure all have the opportunity to think like I do and feel like I do. I love both.

It is particularly nifty that I also have a human friend who can think more than most and accept a moderate amount of friendly love without feeling uncomfortable. But it is still pretty small fry. I would not dare treat a human like a god, or a goddess, though it sure makes for nifty songs.

Maybe I'm a drifter;
maybe not.
'cuz I have known the safety
of floating freely in your arms,
and I don't need another lifeline;
it's not for me:
'cuz only you can save me!
Oh, can't you see?
I can't imagine
life without your love;
and even forever
doesn't seem like long enough...