Wednesday 13 February 2002

Pic of the day: A Viking girl in need of ...

Hip enlargement

I was sitting at McDonalds, enjoying my bi-weekly burger and the view. In front of me, between me and the large windows to the street, a young woman was sitting, her back to me. And what a back. She was tall for a woman, not my height but above average. She looked taller than she was, too, because of her long, unusually slim back. Her delicate shoulders were almost hidden in a cascade of midnight hair that clung possessively to her body, spreading outward as it went downward. Further down, her already willowy back tapered off even further to a waist that was not quite frail but definitely narrow ... and then widened, subtly but inexorably, to a set of full, feminine hips. The contrast to her upper body made her hips at first glance look strikingly wide, while in fact they were not. But there was no mistaking the femininity of them: These hips were made for birthing. Or perhaps by birthing ... she looked young, but not so young that it would be morally or medically dubious to have a baby. Educationally dubious, I'd say; but this is the age of the Internet and lifelong learning. While a baby may do unspeakable things to your concentration, there will still be time later when you can work on your career.

Her meal was unhurried, and so was mine. I enjoyed my burger and a strawberry milk shake, and the astoundingly graceful work of art before me. Like I sometimes do, I wondered what she would think and feel if she were a telepath and could read my mind. And again I tentatively concluded that she probably would not mind. My enjoyment of her beauty was not a burning desire that inflamed my loins (what have I been reading to come up with a phrase like that?) but rather a silent appreciation and admiration, like a child gazing in wonder at the rainbow or the eternally new display of the sunrise.

But even when confronted with such beauty, my verbal mind continued its exploration. "Hips" said my verbal mind to me, "are the true measure of femininity in this time. Even here in Norway, where women earn their own money, many teenage girls undergo breast enlargement by implant. They do so despite the advice from doctors, and despite there being no true need. They distort their natural form. But nobody undergoes hip enlargement. So that will increasingly be the true test of her genetic endowment." "McDonalds" replied a voice in my head amusedly, "is hip enlargement."

***

This was indeed a witty retort, for which the voice in my head should be commended. But it is not necessarily exactly true. Fast food is indeed fairly rich in calories, at least if you buy fries with that. (The fries, typically containing 30-50% fat, change an otherwise fairly balanced diet to a fat bomb.) But not all people absorb fat equally well, and not all people burn it equally well. And then when it's finally stored in the body, there is a mix of genetic disposition and hormones deciding where it goes. All that being said, a larger amount of female sex hormones is likely to send the excess fat to your hips, buttocks and thighs. This can be easily demonstrated by starting to use certain birth control pills and watch your shape change. (Not that I am likely to do that.) The male fat deposits start around the kidneys and continue with the guts. In addition, both sexes deposit some fat under the skin all over the body. This is also the deposit of last resort, as it were: When you store fat long enough, you will eventually end up a fairly gender-neutral blob.

(This seems like a good time to mention that today, being a fat blob is mostly reserved for the underclass. They cannot afford fun sports and a tasty yet nutritious diet; nor do they have the education to understand the importance of these things, or the social incentives to act on them. Therefore, fat is considered ugly. In years long gone, being grossly obese was a sign of wealth and not needing to work hard, and was considered pretty. By sheer coincidence, the modern view is more healthy. With skin tone it's the other way around: In the past, whites from the lower classes were tanned because they had to work out in the sun, so being very pale was pretty. Today, being tanned means you can afford to loll in the sun or on a tanning bed, and so is a sign of being rich, therefore pretty. But our "race" is not made for so much sun, the result is an epidemic of skin cancers as well as early wrinkling.)

While some standards of beauty are temporary, decided by popular culture, others go deeper. And on women, round breasts and wide hips will always be sexy, because their initial appearance signals the transition to fertile age. (So does body hair, but this will probably be less important unless fashion in the future takes a very unexpected path.) It is likely that the appeal of the hourglass shape is instinctive, written with DNA into the man's brain. It may be overridden but never eradicated. Besides, round shapes just happen to be pretty. We like the sun and the moon, soap bubbles, beach balls. Not all instincts need to be immediately useful. Bees love flowers, and boys love girls; both are easily explained by sociobiology. But why do girls love flowers?