Thursday 9 December 2004

Pic of the day: Love makes fools of us all, even with its absence. Here from the anime Daa! Daa! Daa!.

A day of madness

It started in the night, or morning, depending on your definition. I had a long, vivid dream. I won't call it lifelike, because there is not such magic in real life. But it felt very real while it lasted, I guess my excuse is that it felt meaningful at the time, even important.

In my dream, I was together with my father and with the American girl I only know online, but who still appear in my dreams from time to time now, pretty much filling the place which a certain other girl used to hold for so many years. Is it OK to say it like that? I'm not talking about wet dreams here, but rather the symbolic ones. Yes, you could say she is carrying my Anima, in Jungian terms. Although I guess I project less than most people, someone has to play the role in my dreams, and now it is she. I don't know how to feel about that. I don't know how she would feel about that. I am not sure if she knows either.

Anyway, in my dream various things happened that made sense at the time, like my father revealing that he had one more name than I knew before. That would be kinda late in his life to drop such a thing on me (he's a pensioner now) but it would certainly not be unlike him. Anyway, that was one thing. And the other was the end part of the dream, where we were walking outside town and blundered into a magical anomaly in the air that made people fall physically in love, you know, like a love spring only more temporary (air is a weaker element after all) so the effect ceased when you got out of contact with it. Anyway, she and my father kinda blundered into this and started to kiss passionately but then it faded when they broke contact with the anomaly. (I could see it as a faint rainbow-colored shimmer in the air, not sure if anyone else could.) And then I kinda begged the girl to try it with me, because I had never felt how it was to be in love and I wanted to find out whether I could feel that, and if so how it felt. Well, I couldn't. All that happened was that my skin kinda itched uncomfortably where she touched me. We broke contact pretty quickly and I told her that no, I am physically immune to falling in love.

So far, this is perfectly normal. OK, perhaps not, but reasonably reasonable. It's what happened after I woke up that disturbs me. I posted the whole thing to my LiveJournal, which is read by, among some others, that girl and various friends of her. That was pretty indelicate, I guess. I can only say that it seemed like a good idea at the time. A few hours later it didn't, so I hid it. Now, she's pretty tolerant (to say the least) but still, linking to her journal was probably a bit tactless ... eh. Temporary insanity? My only excuse is that I was doing unto others what I'd wish them to do to me. But I'm not sure the golden rule works across genders.

***

You'd think that would fill the insanity quota for one day. But that's not how it works. No, some days are just full of it. So during the lunch break, I managed to buy a Bluetooth keyboard. No, I don't need that. I kinda hoped that it would work with my Pocket PC, which is also Bluetooth enabled. I guess I should have hoped that the sun would turn a couple weeks early, while I was at it. It should still work with any of the portables with USB port, though, and it is a very stylish keyboard. But I have those laptops at home, and no one at home admires stylish things. My family is at best Jesus and I, or possibly the dust bunnies and I, depending on your theological viewpoint. None of these are interested in ultra cool cable-less keyboard unless they can save my hands. (Jesus saves, but whether he saves my hands is still somewhat open to debate. I would probably find out if I listened to him more.)