Saturday 27 December 2003

Pic of the day: Portrait of a middle-aged man.

Birthday

I hear Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate birthdays either, in addition to not celebrating Winter Solstice (Xmas). I am not sure about the reason for that. Then again, do you need a reason to NOT do something? I never celebrated Hanukkah, for instance ... it is just not my culture. The Witnesses probably have other hobbies too. Or perhaps they don't think it's so fabulous to be one year closer to the grave.

I haven't exactly partied hard myself today, even though being halfway to 90 is quite worthy of notice. It kinda drives home the fact that I now belong to the middle-aged generation, and not the same generation as the cute college girls. Well, most cute college girls! ^_^ But that's another story. Now, my birthday.

***

The weather was fitting for the occasion: The worst rainstorm in years threw itself against the house. The house stood, of course (it was built on rock) but after some hours water started to come in through cracks in the wall over the window. Luckily I just rent here. I put a plastic wash basin under the drip until the rain and wind faded.

But late in the afternoon the phone rang. It was not a telemarketer or wrong number as it usually is. It was the girl I hadn't spent Xmas with for the first time in many years. (For more detail, see numerous girl angst entries just before Xmas.) Admittedly she thought I was 44, but she still wanted to wish me a happy birthday. No hard feelings, it seems. Her parents also talked to me, but (somewhat to my disappointment) the Great Earth Mother was too busy, although she was there. Oh well. It's not like I would have known anything to say anyway.

Barely had I put the receiver down ere my brother the farmer called. He and his wife had been talking about a birthday party which they had attended the day before, and came to think of my birthday as well. Since they don't have online journals like I do, and generally have more external activities than I do, there was much to catch upon. Admittedly I got a Yule letter from them some days ago, but it left off in the middle of the flu, so I was glad to hear more.

What's up with farmers who think their lives are not interesting? They should try living in the suburbs a while. Of course, almost any life could be interesting if you are excited about it yourself. Then again, not all excitement transfers equally well into writing. I may think that my life would be more interesting with cute young women in it; but when I look at my journal from the previous years, the words seem pale and flaccid compared to the memories of every treasured hour with my friends.

***

Five years ago, my journal went on hiatus during the holiday. And yet I can remember the quote from the Bible which hovered in my head that day. For some reason, and I don't mean to blaspheme here, I kept thinking of Jesus words on Maundy Thursday: "I have eagerly desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer." Now in all fairness I didn't eat Passover; I ate tacos, which is something else entirely. But I had eagerly desired to spend that day with my best friends before it was too late. Which it is now. Because even for us small ones who never die on a cross, to leave is to die a bit.

And yet, nothing that has been is ever lost. The Bible says: "Naked a man comes from his mother's womb, and as he comes, so he departs. He takes nothing from his labor that he can carry in his hand." (Ecclesiastes 5, 15.) This is surely true. But what we can carry in our hearts ... that is another matter. I am not sorry to have been born into this life. But as of yet, I would be sorry to leave it. I am still not old and sated with days. But I'm working on it! ^_^