Thursday 12 December 2002

Pic of the day: Random pretty screenshot from DAoC. I use the big version of this as wallpaper on my screen now. It is kinda pretty and calming. The road to Snowdonia is a nice and quiet place. Reminds me a bit of home.

A day. Just a day.

I'm still kinda angry at my brain for betraying me and inverting my sleep pattern so I cannot sleep in the night and cannot stay awake in the day. I'll give it a few more days (out of my vacation quota) before I seek medical intervention. I guess I could douse it with brandy in the evening, but I fail to see how this will make for a productive workday next day. (In the event that I wake up at all after the quantities that would be needed.)

It's payday even so, and I transferred most of the money to my account in Skandiabanken.no, as usual. Monday is bill paying time again. Hopefully my brain will not stop that too, though my trust is wearing thin by now.

NSB, the struggling state-owned Norwegian state railways, sent a letter to all the households (I assume) and offered a free ride between Kristiansand and Stavanger to try out their new intercity trains, the Agenda. Presumably it now takes about 3 hours with train between the cities. That's fascinating. Perhaps I could day-commute. Then I would not need to sleep neither at home nor at work ... 6 hours is about enough ...

Speaking of sleep, it is now about bedtime (for me) and I am having the symptoms of an up-coming panic attack: Strained breathing and a feeling of not getting enough air; heightened perceptions; heightened muscle tonus. The actual fear is barely noticeable yet, though. It does not always come at once anymore. (I have only had panic attacks a few time a year lately. I mean without reason. It is natural to be afraid if you suddenly fall ill or are threatened. I'm talking about fear that feeds on fear itself.)

I take it this is the reply from my subconsciousness, though. (I was about to write subconscience here, which may be meaningful to someone reading this with more clarity than I have. Like, myself in a year or two, if I'm still around.)

Oh yes, and I was starting to write an essay on the Lucifer legend, but decided to do other things instead. Perhaps another time. And anyway, that's not the kind of spiritual attention I want at a time like this.