“Permaplat”

di091008

The crystal above my sim’s head is called a “plumbbob”.  Its color shows the mood of the sim, from the deep red of absolute despair through bright green satisfaction to the pure radiant white of sheer ecstatic happiness.  A happiness that can be hard to understand even for those close to you, at least when it comes from inside and just keeps flowing.

Today was not “my day”. Actually yesterday took a nosedive too, after I wrote my entry for that day.  I have had problems with the electricity to the home office for a while, as described on Tuesday. I have moved my main computer (the quad-core) into the living room, where I am typing this now.  I kept the 3-core in the home office, but it was not entirely stable.  Yesterday evening it turned itself off again, and the lights flickered.  But then the lights continued to flicker, and got even worse.  A few minutes later, the lights sputtered and dimmed and went out. They did not come back.  Today I have replaced the fuses, and they seem unharmed, but there is still no power in the home office.  Or in my bedroom either.  But my mobile phone managed to wake me up this morning, hopefully it will continue to do so for the weeks I may have left here.

About that, I called the company that had the house to let at Møll. It was not rented out yet, but they had a lot of  people who were interested.  Well, so much for that.  Since the price is fixed, I have no chance to compete with the families.  People will always rent out to a family over a single man, if the alternative exists.  This is just common sense.  Even if most single men above the age of 25 were not insane (which most probably are), they could still die at any time for any random reason. But to wipe out a whole family at once, you need a front-page-worthy car crash or something like that.  So family it is.

Not that I had much time today to chase a new place to live.  I had to get to work quickly as I had to take phone calls instead of someone who was absent for some good reason.  I don’t have a problem with people being absent. In fact, I may start being so myself.  After this, the guy who should take phone calls together with my neighbor suddenly fell off the loop, leaving said neighbor alone to fend a storm of phones (there was some small disturbance in the Net). So I had to step in repeatedly.

Now it so happens that I don’t normally talk.  I mean that literally.  I can talk for about five minutes a day (more if I can speak softly) before my throat gets sore.  Something is up with my larynx, vocal cords or whatever it is called.  It has been gradually worsening for years.  I thought for a while that my lack of talking was the reason for this rather than just the effect, but I have thought about it.  I have Dragon NaturallySpeaking 10, the awesome speech recognition program from Nuance.  It is now so good that speaking to your computer is a good alternative to typing.  I have used it for NaNoWriMo for several years. And each time since it became good enough to keep using, my throat got sore and I had to cut down on it.  So this has lasted for many years, it is just that normally I don’t speak so normally I don’t notice.

Anyway, after this workday my throat was sore, verging on raw.  Experience shows that in this state it is also highly vulnerable to infections, which is another reason why I try to avoid it when possible.  Unfortunately today it wasn’t possible.  I have told my boss about the problem and have been exempt from the twice-a-week half-day phone duty.  But as permanent backup at a time where there is always someone absent, I still have to be sneaky to not destroy my throat. And some days, like today, you just can’t be sneaky, because there are people out there who need help and someone’s got to do it.

Then I came home and found that it is not just the home office and bedroom that are without power. The electric stove is also off the grid.  It should in theory be on a different course. At least this explains why the sparky sounds came both from my computer and the ventilator over the stove even though they are in different parts of the house.  So, no more hot meals for the remainder of my stay here.  Oh, wait!  There is the double hotplate / standalone cooktop that I have lugged along for 25 years where I had no use for it, just because, well, someday I might need it.  Today I needed it. MUAHAHAHA!  Then I kinda burned the bottom of the grilled cheese on the unfamiliar equipment.  But still, it was grilled cheese.

And on that note, we approach today’s topic.  You see, grilled cheese is a recurring in-joke in the Sims games, particularly Sims 2.  The game has a few major life aspirations that determine your goals and what makes you happy:  Family sims are happy when spending time with their family, marrying and having lots of babies, and staying with the same spouse all their life.  Romance sims want to kiss and make out and more with every adult they meet.  Fortune sims want to earn lots of money and get ahead in their career.  Knowledge sims want to maximize skills and perhaps become scientists or criminal masterminds.  Popularity sims want lots of friends and frequent parties.  Grilled Cheese sims want grilled cheese.

Grilled Cheese aspiration is ridiculously easy to keep happy:  Serving grilled cheese makes them happy, eating grilled cheese makes them happy, talking about grilled cheese makes them happy, and convincing someone else to make grilled cheese makes them deliriously happy for a long time.

When sims are happy enough, they enter “platinum mood”.  This has a number of small benefits and is easily seen from the bright white glow of the plumbbob, the soul gem over their head. Normally they need to keep fulfilling new wants to stay in this happy mood though.

But there is something called “permaplat” (permanent platinum mood).  It can be achieved by fulfilling a “lifetime want”,  like reaching the top of their destined career, or marrying off six children, or having eaten 200 grilled cheese sandwiches.  With the more lifelike FreeTime expansion, you can also gain permaplat from sufficient life experience, and with Apartment Life there are books you can read that will help you accumulate this experience faster after you have studied them.  Once you have reached this pinnacle of life, you will be happy forever. Well, not exactly:  Disappointments can still drag you down, especially if they are big or follow close on each other. But within an hour, the permaplat sim bounces back to full happiness again!

I won’t say I have reached this, exactly.  Life is not a video game, although video games may try to reflect life in various ways.  Perhaps if I had been Enlightened (in the Eastern sense of the word) I would have permaplat.  But as it is, there is something similar, just not as extreme. I seem to spend most of my life in an undeserved state of great happiness, not quite ecstatic for the most part but very upbeat.  Of course, this does not make for great journal entries, so it is sorely under-represented in writing.  Then something happens, like parts of the house losing power or my job doing unspeakable things to my throat, and this makes for easy writing.  But the truth is, after an hour or two I am back in platinum again, and only the pain in my throat makes me stop singing with joy.

Oh, there is a lot more to be done. A LOT more.  When my life is over I will probably wonder if I have even begun.  But there you have it.

Drawn like a flame to the Moth

di091007

This beautiful scenery is from the small farming village of Møll, near Mandal, Norway. The name literally means “moth”, as in the insect. Also, the house is currently to let.

It’s house hunting time again! What?  Don’t I usually write “apartment hunt”?  Well, yes, but today I saw advertised a whole house within my price range.  It is a bit into the countryside, as can be expected, but not really far from the neighboring city of Mandal.  Close enough that there are regular commute buses passing more or less right by the small farm on which the house lies, from what I can see.

It is not a farm house, though, it just happens to lie on a farm.  Those are definitely fields, not lawns, in the aerial photo I am studying.  Also, the river is only about 10 meters / yards away. I don’t mind this either way, but with some luck it may discourage families with toddlers, meaning less competitors for me.  And competitors there must surely be.  While the house is small, it is still large enough for a couple or a small family.  (There are supposedly 3 bedrooms.) It will be rented out for five years – again, ideal for me but not for people who may change jobs  or even lose their job.

I am not going to get my hopes up too much.  It seems just a little too good.  But it is certainly worth inquiring, I think.  I would much rather rent a small house in the countryside than a basement in the suburbs, not to say an apartment in a block. Ew.

Frrzzt!

It started last night, I think. At least that’s when I became aware of it. My main computer was occasionally making small sounds of the “frrzzt!” type. You know, not unlike the sound of insects being fried to a crisp in the electric insect killer. Now, you occasionally hear about the being bugs in the computer, but it seemed unlikely to be literal. At least since the sound repeated from time to time. Usually this computer is running night and day, since this is where I run “folding at home”, a program that contributes to the science of protein folding. But this night I turned the computer off. I really didn’t want it to catch fire during the night!

This afternoon, after work, it was much worse.  I also noticed another disturbance in the electric force, which I had also noticed a few times yesterday afternoon:  The kitchen ventilator made FRRZZT sounds randomly when off.  Yes, they were louder than the ones made by the computer. Also, the light blinked.  Today, the computer also rebooted.  But only the big black quad-core computer.  The slightly smaller and a good deal cheaper tri-core computer that stood beside it was fine.  As the afternoon went on, the computer rebooted more and more often.  Cutting off the power to the kitchen equipment did not stop it.  Eventually I took the computer into the living room (which is uncomfortably cold at this time of the year, by the way) and booted it there, with an older screen.  It purred happily.  No suspicious sounds, no reboots.

Back in the home office, I connected the tri-core to the big widescreen monitor.  It may be slightly slower than the other, but not slow for ordinary use.  A bit slow when playing Sims 2, but that is pretty much it.  Well, after a short while it rebooted.  Actually, it just turned off, but the effect was much the same, since I turned it back on.  And a while later, it rebooted again. Not nearly as often as the other had, and there were no strange sounds, but occasionally the lights would flicker, and sometimes when they did, the computer would reboot.

Well, it must be the monitor then, logically.  But just to be sure, I carried the widescreen monitor into the living room and connected it to the big PC.  Since then they have been running happily for hours.  No symptoms of any kind.

The tri-core mostly works fine too.  But once every few minutes there is a small flicker in the light, and once every couple hours there is a major flicker and the computer turns itself off. So clearly there is still something in the room that sets it off.  But what?  I don’t know. Perhaps a rodent has been gnawing on the power cables in the wall somewhere.  Or perhaps there is a defect in some minor electrical equipment in there, some small gadget I have not suspected. I have a lot of gadgets each drawing a tiny amount of power.  Also, I have the Linux laptop up and running again in that room.  It had been off for a few weeks. Hmm… but it does not blink or act strange in any way.  Still, perhaps I should turn it off before going to bed.  And the tri-core too.

A glimpse of the scythe

di091004

I hope you will see the irony of using this screenshot from Sims 3 to illustrate this entry. On the other hand, I am highly unlikely to send you any photographs when it eventually is my turn.

I was sitting peacefully in front of my computer when suddenly my vocal cords locked up, or that’s how it felt. For a few seconds, I could neither breathe nor make a sound. Finally I managed to clear my throat enough to breathe again.  My voice is still strange and kind of thick, and I feel like I need to clear my throat, but there is nothing there, just my throat getting more sore the more I attempt to clear it. So I try to just let it be, as much as I can.

When something like this happens, it reminds me that each day literally could be the last. I generally don’t think or act  like that, literally I mean.  If I thought like that, I would not buy extra groceries on Friday or Saturday, because I would not expect to live on Sunday.  I would never sign up for any kind of subscription, since I would be dead before I could use it.

On the other hand, I wonder if I am not still taking it too far in the other direction. In theory, I am opposed to killing time – time is my life, after all. But in practice I do a lot of stuff for fun, like playing computer games. Well, mostly that, but some other things too.  I just don’t take life all that seriously while there seems to be a lot of it.  That’s a human trait, but there are still some humans who manage to break out of it.

Anyway, I guess it is not certain that I will even have the chance to say goodbye.  Of course, that holds for others too.  Perhaps I should try to live a little more as if this was THEIR last day too.  If I’m around to do that, I mean.

I’m still nervous about the whole dying bit.  A part of me still fears that I will have to pay in the afterlife for the fun I have had as an ego in this life.  Actually the theology of that is somewhat uncertain, but it is a widespread belief that there must be justice in the world, and if justice is not brought in this life, it will come in the next.  I hope not, in a manner of speaking. Because I have had a lot of awesome years, and I would really be in trouble if I had to spend my afterlife contemplating what I could have done to help others instead.  Even without fire and pitchforks, it would hardly be pleasant.  As it is, all I can hope is that whoever and whatever God is, I will be forgiven because God knew from the get go that I wasn’t better than this, and did not expect me to be in practice. “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do!”

Anyway, once the Reaper’s scythe is out of sight, the pull of my ordinary fun life is back. And I guess it does not actively hurt anyone. But should that really be my highest aspiration?  I don’t honestly think so.  But it may be the only one I have fulfilled reasonably well so far. When I think about the murderous rage that used to be in my life, I guess doing no harm is something, if it lasts.  Still, I would like to set my sights higher, if I have the time.  If not, well, at least you know I don’t hate you, no matter who you are.  I suppose some who knew me long ago may have been in doubt about that…

Apartment hunting continued

Today I actually visited and looked at the apartment I wrote about yesterday.  It is really just the basement of a house.  This is pretty common here in Norway, as you can rent out these without paying tax for them.  I lived in one such for about 20 years, in the original Chaos Node.  This is about the same size as that, looks a little smaller to me but not drastically so.  And I have less stuff now.  Much less stuff.  Of course it is rather small compared to the House of Chaos, or Fortress of Solitude, where I live now.  The difference is again not drastic, since there is so much of the landlord’s stuff standing around here.

The thing most difficult to adjust to would probably be to not have a house for myself anymore. It is quite habit-forming.  But affordable houses are far out in the countryside where there are no buses or trains.  You don’t come across an arrangement like I have now many times in a lifetime.  Most people probably don’t come across them ever. Even for me, one of the luckiest humans around, it did not last.

Anyway, the apartment faces out toward the wild forest.  It does not have floor heating like the Chaos Node had, but it has a wood stove and free wood.  And being a basement, it is naturally less of a frying pan in summer.

I told them I was interested, and the husband seemed rather enthusiastic about it.  But here in Scandinavia, the women have the final word on all domestic matters and some other matters as well. If she is uncomfortable with a single male living in the same house as their little girl, I’m off the list immediately. And given the prejudices around here, that could well happen.  A man is only borderline human until he has a woman to vouch for him.  Women do rule these lands, but subtly, with a silken glove over their iron fist.

At least I think I conveyed well that I was stable, well employed, financially comfortable, and experienced with living alone.  The majority of single men looking to rent are just crashing somewhere while looking for a new woman to attach themselves to.  Or worse, they are insane or on drugs.  My friendly, calming aura pretty much puts me out of that category.  (And I did not even need to sing to them… They do have a dog though, so I may still need that calming song.)

The apartment was not really finished, although officially they planned to rent it out from tomorrow.  It may be finished tomorrow in the sense that the paint begins to dry before midnight tomorrow, but nobody would move in that fast.  Anyway, in some days I will presumably know whether I get it or not.  In the meantime, I keep throwing away stuff. Today went a bunch of trashy supernatural romance novels.  (If you need to know, Margit Sandemo was my inspiration as a writer for a long time:  Even though she never wrote well in the sense that a literary critic would acknowledge, her books sold like hotcakes. )

Anyway, there went my day.  Oh, and we had a very important event at work today, but it went better than expected. I can’t talk about it though.  We have pretty high standards of secrecy, for reasons you would know if you knew what I was doing.

Horny climb road

di090929

Is it a sign from the Light?  Probably not, but this picture is taken from the bus stop closest to today’s apartment hunt.  It was taken this summer though, before I knew I had to move this fall.

Another day, another apartment hunt! Today I was biting on a freshly announced apartment about half an hour’s walk from my current home, but on nearly the same elevation.  Most of the distance is along the same way I use for my Sunday walk,  which is a bike / pedestrian road along the main road which again is vaguely following the river.  Near the grain fields I have photographed so often, you turn away from the river and toward the hills.

The name of the road is “Grakleivveien” which means roughly “the horny climb road”.  There may be other meanings, but that’s the obvious one.  The Norwegian word “gra” means horny as in hungry for sex, but the common usage is restricted to horses.  Colloquially it is used for people too. I know I heard it used that way when I was a teen.  (The details of why I would hear that is beyond the scope of today’s entry…)  The word “kleiv” refers to a steep road up a hill, from the Norwegian word “kliva” which means to climb.  From the small village where I grew up, I remember there was a farm called “kleiva”, which was where the country road climbed from the bridge across the river and up to around the level of the other farms.

This apartment is cheaper than the one I mentioned yesterday, but less stand-alone.  So how feasible it is would depend on the immediate neighbors.  I am kind of spoiled by having the whole house to myself  here (although I could not use the whole house, as the landlord was stashing a lot of stuff and had the basement set aside for himself, although he very rarely used it.)  Anyway, an affordable home, fairly large, close to my current location… it could be worse. Also the road is surrounded by primeval forest, so you don’t get that intensely urban feeling. And the bus I take to and from work passes a fairly short walk from the house, although further away than here.  Actually I kind of like having to walk a bit to the bus.  It is an excuse to use the body while I have it, instead of doing pointless exercises just for maintenance.

Speaking of which, I did not get particularly stiff and sore from yesterday’s walk.  My resting pulse is higher, as usual the day after an exercise, but it does not hurt anywhere.  Perhaps I am not as old as I feel?

The Magnus Valley

di090928

This is a picture of the same road, taken in spring. Yes, I have been there before sometimes. You can’t really see from the picture that the road is rising steeply, because there is nothing flat to compare it to, but you certainly notice when you walk it.

This evening, I took a walk to a place called The Magnus Valley.  Well, actually since this is Norway, it is called “Magnusdalen”, but it means the Magnus Valley.  I did not even know that until today, when I checked again for some new place to live.  This house I am renting is about to be sold, so I have to be out before December 1. There is still plenty of time, but my experience is that suddenly there is not plenty of time anymore.  So pretty much each day I check the on-line database over houses and apartments for rent in this province (and parts of the neighboring province as well).

Today there was one in the municipality where I live now.  In fact, it was within walking distance. Well, if you’re willing to walk for more than half an hour each way.  And mostly uphill to get there, and downhill to get home.  There is a vertically divided house for rent (only for one year though) and from the map it looked like it was in the general area of Magnusdalen. Actually it is on the neighboring hill, SvalÃ¥sen, which means the Pleasantly Cool Hill. Sounds like somewhere I’d like to live, although the name is probably exaggerated now.  It probably used to be covered in trees, like the surrounding hills, which would account for the pleasant coolness in summer.  Or it could be named for the bird swallow, which is called “svale” in Norwegian.

Anyway, I took a walk, though I did not actually go to that particular house,  just the general area.  I am not going to go see it until I have talked with the owner. I tried to call today but did not get through. And anyway, it is about kr 1000 (roughly $200) a month more expensive than the others I have looked at, which are only slightly more expensive than where I live now.  There is a large apartment near where I used to live before I moved here, for instance, at that price.  On the other hand, finding a place within walking distance would mean I could carry all the small stuff there and only need help to move the stuff that is too heavy to carry.  I could probably get a friend to help with that. This may or may not save me $2400, but probably something in that range since movers are ridiculously expensive.

Also carrying a bag of books or clothes there each day would be awesome exercise.  As I said, it is a lot of uphill.  There is a steep hillside from the valley where we live and up to the surrounding terrain.  Well, two hillsides with a short walk between them really. Then there is a more gentle ascent, and finally  you have to walk up the actual “pleasantly cool hill” to where the houses are.  I took it easy today, but it was still a useful workout. Actually walking down the steep hills is harder on my legs and knees and toes. I would not be surprised if I am terribly stiff and sore tomorrow. After all, I have reached the age where you have to warm up before warming up…

Still, I remember from the botched move, where I carried things over to the new apartment pretty much every day (and sometimes twice a day) that it was quite good exercise, and that was a much less extreme terrain – mostly flat actually – and perhaps half the distance.  Combined with my carrying a bag of used books or comics to the used book store (taking the bus to the city of course), I actually had calluses after the move was finished. Seriously. Thick hard skin where I had held the handle of the bags, day after day for more than two months. I lost weight too, but then I lost weight a lot during that year.  It was the same year that I had to stop eating fat because I could no longer digest it, so it took me some time to get adjusted to eating twice as much carbs instead.  But I still think all the carrying stuff each day had something to do with it as well.

Anyway, this is the kind of things I think about these days.  Oh, and other things too: I think a lot.  But having to move does tend to grab one’s attention somewhat.

Violet song

2009-09-30 22:49:57

“With the violet that flows from your fingertips, let us paint a small dream, just for us two.”

The picture is from the game City of Heroes, featuring my imaginary girlfriend’s imaginary sister, in this case as imaginary heroine Yubisaki Violeta.  There is a story behind that name, of course. That’s the topic of today’s entry.  (The guy next to her is me, the Eternal Newbie.)

The anime Umi Monogatari (“Sea Story”)  is nothing to write home about. It is a pretty standard magical girl anime, which will probably be liked by grade school and middle school girls, and the occasional other person who likes to watch girls who are technically not underage but certainly look like it, hug and say “I love you” to other seemingly underage girls when not transforming into magical priestesses to save the world from eternal darkness and sorrow.  There are probably people who get a kick out of that.  But what I like about it is the opening song, Violet by Marble.  Luckily the song can be bought separately now.  Or you could listen to it here, at least for now.   If you do, you can probably understand why I love it, even though the singer is not amazing by Japanese pop standards.

Yes, it is excessively innocent.  Even if you don’t understand a word of Japanese (which is slightly less than even me) you should be able to feel it in your heart.  As for the lyrics, what I think I understand is something like (in the shorter form used in the opening song):

You…  you… Heart… peace… You too… you too… peace… It is good, just like this (?) … Time… forget… that’s why. Fingertips… violet… small dream… draw (?)… two people alone… Happy(?)… sky.

In my defense, Japanese songs are even more cryptic than everyday conversations, which themselves are held in a language that has evolved apart from ours since the deep of the last Ice Age, when our ancestors were too buys hunting woolly mammoths to study linguistics. Anyway, the voices in my head have opinions on the lyrics, but they may be wrong. I am sure I got the spirit of it right though.

As proof I present you with the animals, who have no linguistic capabilities at all, but do have a spirit of sorts.  As I was walking from my home, humming the song too myself, I passed the neighbor’s cat.  Well, one of them.  This is unusual.  When I come anywhere near, the cats run for their lives, except the kittens.  They have good reason, for the previous inhabitants of the house (up to three and a half year ago) hated them with a vengeance and would chase them for their lives.  However, as I was wordlessly (or nearly so, see the scarcity of words as seen above) humming to myself, the cat made no effort to move at all, but let me walk straight past it so close that I had to take care to not step on any part of it.

Curious, I walked through a small park on my way from the bus station in the city to work. (Not today, obviously, since today is Sunday.) Ahead of me were a modest group of crows, eating something vaguely vegetarian that someone had left on the ground.  Seeing me, they started to take wing.  I, on the other hand, started to sing Violet.  Hearing this, the crows immediately fell at ease and settled to the ground, letting me walk right through their congregation as if I belonged there.  It was a pretty amazing experience.

It probably would not work on humans, more’s the pity.  Or would it? Feel free to listen and chime in with your opinion.

My aura is so pretty…

di090916

What is the connection between aura and calming the waves of your mind?  Read on for the unexpected answer!

Studying the aura is a fairly common thing in various New Age circles, and these people take it quite literally. I have briefly seen my own, but I still believe it is just a way for the mind to visualize something that is really invisible.

Auras also appear in entertainment.  In the online game City of Heroes auras are available to high-level characters, and can be subtle or quite remarkable.  In Japanese anime, it is not uncommon to use auras to illustrate strong emotions or a contest of wills.  They are also used to animate magic or psychic powers.

But unfortunately the aura I am writing about today is my migraine aura.  Not all migraine patients have it, but for me it is actually the most spectacular part of the migraine.  As usual with migraine aura, it starts as a small point, kind of like the after-image after you have accidentally seen a reflection of the sun.  Gradually over a period of (in my case) a quarter of an hour to half an hour, it expands. It takes form of a circle (although in my case I seem to only be able to see the left side clearly) and it looks to me like it is made of many glittering shards.  Tiny shards, in many colors, hanging restlessly suspended in the air, making up the bright portal of the aura.

In the center is absolute nothingness.  Not black, not gray, just nothing. When the hole is small, my brain just pastes whatever is around int the hole, as if it abhors a vacuum. So when I look at a person’s face at that time, they seem to miss their right eye.  There is just no eye there.  The face is otherwise there, but the eye is missing.  Creepy!  Today it broke out on my way from the bus to work, and by the time I came to the office, it had advanced to the point where I was surprised to see that someone had removed the door handle from the locked door into our apartment.  Then I remembered the missing eyes from earlier episodes, and of course the door handle was there, it was just invisible when I looked at it.

I have used the image of my aura in at least one fantasy story I wrote.  I think it was “Shadow of Cneko” but it would take more time than it is worth to read through it looking.  It may have been a similar story, or both.  It certainly looks like something that could take you to a different world, once it has grown large enough:  A glittering portal surrounding a hole of absolute nothingness. Not the darkness you see when you close your eyes, but a lack of the very sense of vision. As if part of your brain is no longer aware that sight exists.  If you have not seen it, then I don’t think anything I say can get it across.  Our brain always creates images, but how to you imagine not being able to see a certain part of what is in front of you?

I have actually only had migraine a few times in my life!  I am lucky in that regard.  And I think I have had a spectacular aura every time.  Some people have no aura, just the pain.  For me, the aura comes far ahead of the rest. The first time I had migraine, I was a fairly young adult.  I had never had it before and only knew that migraine was a headache, which I did not have. Only a glittering portal to nothingness.  I was sure that my brain was severely damaged by stroke or a formerly hidden tumor.  At that time I lived only minutes’ walk from a family that were close friends, and I somehow made my way there.  They managed to get a doctor.  Neither I nor they had any idea that it was migraine. The doctor arrived after the aura was fading but before the headache had set in.  The queasiness may have started, I am not sure.  The doctor thought it was stress and prescribed some relaxant that would probably have fetched me a decent amount at the black market.  I don’t think I ever fetched it.  The “real” migraine set in shortly after, and I did not have much doubt after that what I experienced.

Today followed the same pattern, except I knew what was coming.  It was years since last time, but today I was careless. Reading in direct sunlight is the only thing I know that will set it off. The sky was lightly clouded and I thought it would be OK, especially since I have glasses that automatically darken in the sun.  I have barely had an attack after I bought them.  But today I had.

First thing after I came to the office, I put on my headphones and started playing LifeFlow 8, a brainwave entrainment track.  Until just recently, it was believed that migraine originated with the blood vessels in the cranium.  But today we know that the start of the attack is in the actual neurons, where a wave of intense activity arises and gradually spreads.  This makes me think it may be vaguely related to epilepsy, which also has some kind of aura warning in some people, but is far more drastic of course.  In any case, brain waves is something I have been experimenting with this spring and summer.  I reasoned that if I could create a standing wave in by brain through the use of the sound track, this would compete with the spreading wave of the migraine.

I would call the result a partial success.  The nausea and accompanying gut wrenching was quite unpleasant, but I have had worse. And the pain was a bit distracting, but I was able to do my work.  (Admittedly, this particular work is so familiar I could probably do it while too drunk to walk unaided. Not that I ever intend to find out.)  I am also lucky in that I am fairly resistant to moderate pain, although intense pain affects me like other men.  Still, I will say that this particular migraine attack was weaker than those I have had before.

To further put things into perspective, I had a surprise visit by a coworker who had just returned from 4 months of cancer treatment.  I’d pick the migraine, thank you very much.  And if you have a problem with migraine too, you may want to learn about brainwave entrainment and see if it can help you as well.  Especially if you don’t have a pretty aura, but even so, I think I will sacrifice the pretty if I can avoid the queasiness, malaise and hours of headache.  After all, I can always see a pretty aura in City of Heroes if it is that important…

Alone at work (again)

Fridays seem to be popular days for people to be away. This time, every one of my coworkers in this region was away.  As was my boss.  We are usually five here (my boss is in Trondheim) but everyone had some reason or another for being away.  None of them was the swine flu, or even sickness at all, luckily.  So, I got some inspirations for streamlining my work routines.  Let’s see if they are still there on Monday.

The landlord called me to tell that he had cut the lawn with his motorized lawnmower.  It has rained pretty much daily (not counting Sundays) for three weeks, but the last couple days have been fine, so I had started mowing again. The grass had grown pretty fast in the meantime, so it was pretty hard work.  So in that regard I appreciate not having to make my way across all the lawns – the house is practically surrounded by them.  I am sure I can find some other exercise if the weather is good.  The grass needs to be raked away at least.  But not today. It was almost dark when I came home, for the first time since sometime this spring.  Around Easter I guess.  The autumn is truly drawing close.

My wrist hurts when I type now, but it will probably recover pretty quickly.  It is a lot more robust than it used to be even a few years ago.  So even though I can feel I am growing older, not all things are just getting worse and worse.  A low-fat lifestyle seems to agree with me.