On the road again…

Or at least the bike / pedestrian path that is found alongside all major roads here in Mandal. Yesterday and today I was out walking again, feeling pretty much the same as before the heart race episode. I burned over 800 calories each walk, so all in all it was a good day! :p

I still don’t know what happened, but the jolts and “glitches” of the heartbeat that I have felt off and on lately seem to have faded for this time. I wonder if these aren’t in some way related to the heart racing. In any case, I try to pay more attention to how I feel and not press myself too far.

It is not like I am looking to lose X pounds per week, or am training for a marathon.  I simply want to keep the diabetes at a safe distance and show my body that yes, it is still inhabited.

Plus, walking is a great opportunity to think, or be inspired, or just be. Sometimes it is good to not have an agenda or anything to, but just watch the land as I walk through it.

These boots are made for…

Having skipped the afternoon walk yesterday (the day after the heart episode) and tanked up on carbs, I took a 55 minute walk today. The pulse was very low for the first 35 minutes, and it never started racing this time, but I also didn’t provoke it once it rose past 120 after about 35 minutes. I am still a bit wary, as you may imagine.

During the 55 minutes, someone removed the 5 days old rubber boots I had left standing near the front door. It has been raining cats and dogs most of the summer and fall so far, so I am sure they can come in handy.  The street is not really a thoroughfare, there is no reason to drive it if you don’t live nearby. So I must assume one of the neighbors has appropriated the boots, after seeing that I left the building. It would be kind of suspicious to stop a car outside a house to steal something unless one already knew nobody was home. So yeah, it seems this is the kind of neighbors I have now. A bit of a change from living in the countryside.

Ironically, I only bought the boots to walk around the house. Because I had somehow lost the key to the front door (presumably inside, since I locked myself in with it), I had to use the back door. Unfortunately, the grass in the garden is higher than my jogging shoes and teeming with ticks. I am not sure there is even one day I have walked through it in my jogging shoes and not found a tick drinking my blood a few hours later. That is where the rubber boots come in. Ticks here on the south coast harbor three potentially life-threatening diseases, so I try to avoid them.

But today the family upstairs handed back their keys, and I got one of them from the landlord, so I no longer need the boots. Not that my neighbors could know that, may God have mercy on their souls. I just hope they can resist the temptation to break the windows in the back yard and empty the house while I am at work. Probably they can. It takes just a moment’s weakness to swipe a pair of good boots, but at least a minute’s weakness to actually break in.

In any case, I would not leave stuff outside if I couldn’t afford to lose it. This is pretty much what I expect from neurotypical humans*. Still, it takes a bit of courage to nab things in broad daylight in a place that is visible from three or four houses.

(*I don’t mean to say that all ordinary people are thieves. Rather, that there is a randomness in us humans, as there also is in the rest of nature. If you expose a number of people to temptation for an increasing time, the likelihood rises that someone will break and fall for it. The risk varies with the temptation, but small and inconsequential temptations usually don’t take many people or a long time. There is, as I said, a randomness, a fluctuation in the human mind, so that it acts in part like a part of nature. And nature is not moral, it is seemingly random. When a stone is loose in the mountainside, it will eventually fall, unheeding of who may be passing beneath it.)

Anyway, now that I unexpectedly have my key, the boots would just have become one more  part of the heavy load I carry with me from one house to the next every time I move. Someone up there is still looking out for me, it seems. ^_^ Of course, that would be the case even if I did not see it, but it is still nice to see it.

 

A day later

My pulse improved gradually and was fine in the morning. I went to work (an hour late) but skipped the afternoon walking hour. Stayed home and tanked up on carbs. ^_^ I remember how in 2005, when I had at least two such episodes like yesterday, it was also in a phase when I was walking a lot and losing weight. I am not sure that is a coincidence, since that has really not happened since. Until now.

Well, I am not a doctor and not playing one on TV. I just want you to know that I didn’t die that night at least!

And if I die before I wake, the Buddha and Confusius and Lao-Tzu are all a very easy read if you find a good translation. ^_^ But to quote the double-edged Irish songwriter Chris de Burgh:

We must show respect for all the rest and what a man believes;
and the one who died upon the cross, well he is the One for me.
And he says:  Come with me and you will see
the Light that shines for eternity.
Be strong and learn to say the words ‘I love you’!

And this endless road that we are on just keeps on going ’round
but there’s one destination that always is here to be found –
so come with me and you will see
the Light that shines for eternity.
Be strong and learn to say the words ‘I love you’.

 

 

Heart episode

“My heart skips a beat.” In fact it has been doing so more lately, seemingly in step with me losing weight. But nothing like what happened today. This hasn’t happened since 2005.

Today I had a heart episode, and to some extent still have. Not an infarct, it seems: I just came home from the clinic and they did an EKG. As always it was perfect. The only thing unusual is that while I was out walking, my pulse began to go up and up until it stabilized at 190, probably my max pulse. Well, that certainly qualifies as an episode in my book, although it happened twice in 2005 as well.

I had left my cell phone at home again, but luckily I had just passed a school where some event was going on, and a handful of parents were out in their cars. I showed them my pulse watch and they called an ambulance. When it arrived, my pulse had gone down into normal human range (although not my range, and it is still about 40 higher than usual. Like 100 when sitting, 120-130 when standing or walking slowly.)

They drove me to the local clinic where a Swedish doctor checked me. Apart from a slight fever (and human heartbeat instead of superhuman) I was in great shape. Even my blood sugar was 5.2 mmol. (This won’t mean anything to Americans.) I explained that it is ALWAYS 6.1, even after 12 hours without food and with an hour’s walk thrown in. They seemed to think it was great that it had gone down. Evidently I can now have perfect blood sugar, at the price of my heart running much faster. I would not be surprised if one of these was an effect of the other, but nobody else seemed to think so.

I had a slight fever: 38.8C (101.8F), and the doctor wondered if that might be the reason. I really don’t think a fever suddenly appears over the course of half a minute. It is more likely the other way around. Or perhaps whatever caused this episode also caused the fever. I have had 3 ticks suck on me this past week, but I killed them all young and put antiseptic salve on the wounds. No red rings this time like some years ago. Still… hmm. I cannot remember how many years ago that was. It is theoretically possible that the body ran across some tick protein and went crazy, but I find it unlikely. The temperature is already down to less than 38, so not fever for normal humans. (I usually have a little lower.)

I drank a glass of juice and water a while after I came home, to check whether the higher pulse was really caused by my lower blood sugar. (Normal human pulse with normal human blood sugar, instead of lower pulse with higher sugar.) That makes sense if there is plenty of oxygen, in which case blood sugar might be the bottleneck in the body’s operations.  However, the pulse remained in nearly the same range. The only thing that gets it down a bit is meditation, but I do that only for a few seconds at a time. I am not sure whether it would be wise to consciously lower the heart rate, as I may be able to do in meditation. Didn’t I just worry a few days ago when it fell to 50? Be careful what you wish for, you might get it!

In any case, there you have it. If I die before I wake, I fully intend to not haunt you, and not check whether my grave is kept clean. If I don’t die – or something very close to it – you can expect to hear from me again.

 

Weary

Just how far away I am from my highest aspiration. Some days it feels like this. Other days I don’t feel it, but it is still true. I want to shine for you, but I find myself down here.

Weariness. I think that is the best word for it. I am not exhausted from walking today at least, for it is raining and raining and raining. Yesterday there was a brief halt in the downpour but it started again ten minutes after I hit the road. Weather generally does not affect me emotionally, as far as I can remember, so that is probably not it. But I am feeling so down, I feel almost human.

A phrase from a song by Leonard Cohen sums it up pretty well: “When you’re not feeling holy, your loneliness says that you’ve sinned.” Actually, loneliness is not the right word, but I guess it was the best he could find (and especially that would rhyme!) But loneliness, as I understand it, is a mental state of wanting to receive companionship. I am not, even now, bothered in that way. It is not my lack of receiving but my lack of giving that tells me that I have sinned, that I may have lost my way or at least failed to walk ahead on it.

I think the closest word I can think of is uselessness. When I’m not feeling holy, my uselessness says that I’ve sinned. That is not exactly it either, but at least it conveys an absence of giving rather than of taking. And it is not something that another person can change for me, somehow convincing me. It is a value judgment by myself and the objective presence in my heart. There is no anger or accusation in that presence, of course. It just bears witness to the fact,  that I am not able to give happiness to others as I wished. When the excessive natural joy that was masking this, fades away; when a day comes where I don’t feel like breaking into song for no reason, then this comes to the surface.

“If you have time to bemoan your ignorance, use it to study” says Ryuho Okawa, and it is hard to disagree with that! In a sense, this is what I am doing. Studying myself, reflecting on myself as if seen from outside, by an objective yet compassionate observer. When the feelings are falling away – whether just for a bit or for a long time, I don’t know – that is an opportunity to see myself as I am in this world, not just as I wish to be. So that is good.

Even so, I shall admit that I took refuge in Bach’s Toccata and Fugue in D Minor again. If what I believe is true, then Bach was surely sent from Heaven. If I am wrong, it still has beauty in it, and that can hardly hurt. It is hard to see how you can go wrong with Bach, unless you have something more important to do with your time than refining your soul. For me, right now, I don’t.

That is kind of the point, really. There is no outward way I can think of to bring joy and courage and love to others. So I will do this, and I will share my mind with you. So that you can see that I too have days when I don’t feel like I have just eaten a big chocolate bar all the time. But it does not really change who or what I am. It does not really change my aspiration. And although the compass needle of my mind may waver, I will still turn back to that goal that lies beyond my feelings, my pride and my satisfaction, beyond myself and what is mine.

Raw data

Walking for 45 minutes – 550 calories. (It started raining so I sped up a bit on the way home.)

Walking for 30 minutes later – 300 calories.

Walking for 70 minutes later again – 800 calories.

Total 1650 calories.  Payback for yesterday! Yeah baby!

Cold sore broke out as soon as I came home. The exact timing is probably coincidence. Cold sores for me are a sign of not enough sleep. I have slept about seven hours each night, usually enough. May need more sleep if I walk more, strangely enough.

Disappearances

A big car came and took with it a lot of stuff from upstairs where the couple with the toddler live. Actually, it would seem that they are not going to live there anymore. If I scared them away, it was certainly not my intention. Perhaps they were disturbed by my loud farting? I can’t think I have made much noise apart from the toilet-related, as I am a big fan of headphones when not living on a farm (and actually mostly even then). I have also restrained myself from dancing at night.

In hopefully unrelated news, my front door key is gone. It must have been lost in here somewhere, for I used it to lock myself  in on Friday. When I should go out for my daily one-hour walk, it wasn’t there! I searched for hours, even moving my bed to see if it had fallen down there.  Panic! At this point, I have not yet realized that I can use the back door to the garden and simply walk around the house, and that I could indeed have done this all the time and in effect had my own entrance. Not that I think my using the front door scared away my neighbors, although it did cause me to let out the cat accidentally from time to time.

Tomorrow I will remember the back door. (I know this because this entry is backdated.) Today, I am panicking. I have to go to work, but how will I get back in? Luckily, a window to the garden is low enough that I should be able to get through without breaking anything. As some of you will know, the first thing that appears to me if a door is locked is “Window!” It is slightly narrower than my hips, but I am sure I can get through if I just turn diagonally. After all, the square of the hypotenuse is the sum of the squares of the two, uhm, other sides. I could try it out, I guess.

Or I could go to sleep and remember tomorrow  that there is a door to the  backyard from the tiny food storage room I rarely use.

 

Another walky day

Now these points of data make a beautiful line. And we’re out of beta, we’re releasing on time! So I’m glad I got burned, think of all the things we learned – for the people who are still alive!

(Lyrics from “Still alive” by Jonathan Coulton. Picture from VG Cats.)

Today I did not feel like taking a walk at all. My legs were stiff and tired, my gums were sore and I had a bit too little sleep last night. It was the obvious day to stay home and relax.

But since when has that stopped any of us? So I walked for two hours, burning 1200 calories. It seemed like the right thing to do. (We do what we must because we can?) Anyway, 1200 calories is 300 gram of pure carbs, for instance sugar. It is also about half a day of sedentary life, the way modern men live.

I did not climb steep hills this time, only very gentle ones, and basically walked briskly for an hour, then turned and walked back the same way (or nearly so – I took a detour as I found myself moving faster on the way back. See my previous discovery of the force of familiarigravity.)

My pulse did not pick up all that much even on the way home, but from about an hour and a half, I could notice that it was 10 beats or so above what it had been on the first stretch. This makes sense since I have walked mostly an hour and a quarter for the last couple weeks, so the body probably has a small margin beyond that. At about one hour 40 minutes I could feel a gentle pressure on my chest, no more than when immersed in water to the neck. My legs grew rapidly more stiff and tired, and at 1:45 I sat down for a minute or two. This solved the problem.

There seems to be no connection between the stiff and tired feeling in the legs and actual depletion of energy / glycogen. Rather, I suspect the feeling comes from the posture muscles being locked in a static stance, and would have been the same (or worse) if I had just been standing around for the same length of time. Luckily, even a short break did a great deal to help with this.

After I came home, my pulse while sitting was about 90, against 65-70 before I started. However, even without eating, the pulse returned to near normal values after 20 minutes. So there seems to have been very little forced recharging of the muscles. My guess would be that the muscles absorbed glucose from the blood during this period, and the liver released a similar amount. I doubt my blood sugar was much reduced, but it is hard to say without actually measuring it. In any case, I drank some juice and ate some sweet snacks afterwards, so the muscles should be able to rebuild their reserves more fully during my sleep.

Speaking of which, it is past midnight again.  I should have been in bed an hour ago.

 

Eating and walking

Today, somewhat delayed because of rain, was the eat & walk experiment.

Background: Muscles “store energy” in the form of glycogen, as stated by respected websites on the topic. Glycogen still needs oxygen to release energy, but nothing more. The pulse therefore remains fairly low during moderate exercise. Once glycogen reserves fall below a threshold level, muscles request nourishment from elsewhere in the body, and the pulse increases. If the glycogen is further depleted, an emergency recharging takes place after exercise, and the pulse remains elevated until glycogen reaches an acceptable (for the muscles) level.

After a carbohydrate-rich meal, blood sugar rises. Body releases insulin, which orders muscles (and liver) to absorb sugar and convert it into glycogen.  This continues until blood sugar reaches normal level or glycogen storage is full.

Hypothesis: By walking briskly after eating, the insulin should flood the leg muscles with glucose, which they can burn instead of depleting glycogen during exercise and replace it later. The body should secrete less insulin and there should be no spike in blood sugar.

Observation: My pulse increased early to above 120, against normal 110 at this phase. This is to be expected, since the heart would have to supply plenty of blood to digestive tract, liver and muscles all at once.

I walked for one hour and 25 minutes, ten minutes longer than normal for the last couple weeks. The pulse was still in the 125 range at the end of the trip. Energy use was calculated by my pulse watch to 900 calories. This is in a similar range as the meal eaten.

Pulse after exercise was slightly higher than after inactivity. This could be a sign of moderate recharging of muscles, or of delayed digestion. Inconclusive.

Sleepiness and lethargy that is often experienced after a meal was not present during the walk.

Subjective experience of stiffness and tiredness in leg muscles was consistent with a 900 calorie activity. It would seem that the stiffness of muscles after activity is NOT caused by depletion of glycogen reserves. Cause still unknown. The effect seems incompatible with intelligent design if we assume unlimited access to food. Otherwise, incentives to restrict unaccustomed activity in adults may have been useful in the past.

Conclusion: The experiment was slightly unpleasant and did not bring a clear conclusion as to whether light exercise causes less blood sugar spike / insulin production, although the lack of drowsiness may imply this.

Recharging muscles?

Still not sure about the muscles and energy thing. After I came home on Saturday, my pulse remained 10-15 beats above normal for at least a couple hours. I was also warmer than normal. According to the “muscles store energy” theory, this probably came from my leg muscles recharging, drawing energy from elsewhere in the body. But as I said, Wikipedia and a couple more pages of highly respected websites don’t believe that muscles can store energy like a battery, just a substance known as glycogen, basically very densely packed glucose (the simplest form of sugar).

If that is the case, then presumably my leg muscles were storing up glycogen by drawing glucose from the blood (where there seems to be no shortage of it, based on recent blood tests – I am not diabetic, but the blood sugar is at or just over the upper boundary of normal). There must have been rather a shortage of glycogen if the mucles had to increase the flow of blood to get enough sugar. You’d think since the heart is beating anyway, the muscles could just pick up sugar as it passed.

Yesterday it rained like a bathroom shower, and my jogging shoes soon became soaked all the way through. They are not going to last long if I use them for wading, so I returned home after only about half an hour. That put an end to my plan to check whether the energy reserves had regenerated fully.

Today I took a 1.25 hour walk. I carried my umbrella, even though I only needed it for a short while. I am not sure if carrying something had an effect, but my heart rate was somewhat higher and I burned more calories than on the first trip Saturday, although less than the second. I guess it may count that I also jogged down the other side of the hill and a few other places where my pulse started getting too low to count as training. Burned about 800 calories (kcal), which is pretty decent for that length.

However, I did not trigger a forced recharge this time. There must have been some reserves left, because my pulse almost immediately fell back to normal range. So evidently if I don’t discharge past a certain point, recharge will happen entirely in the background. That is what I thought, since I normally don’t experience any disruption of heart rate or breathing after I took up the habit of walking briskly for an hour.

Then again, according to what I learned before, the body should be burning mostly fat during so moderate exercise. OK, I guess climbing those hills might need some faster energy, but still. In theory the body should use mostly fat, and I have enough of that to walk for weeks.

I wish I had meters in my body so I can see what it is doing. It would be cool to be able to monitor my blood sugar, blood fat, remaining sugar storage and fat storage. Clearly the body does know these things, because it adjusts to them on the fly. But unless I take things to extremes, I cannot actually feel the variations. Then again, thanks to the glucose syrup tests, I seem to have achieved the ability to feel my blood sugar being higher than necessary. It is a kind of acute “fed” feeling, if that makes sense. It is different from the long-term “fed” feeling that comes from having my fat stores reasonably filled. (I am still not fat, thanks for asking, but I have more than I realistically need in peacetime.) So perhaps with the right experience, I may become able to feel other statuses in my body too. If I live that long… Just to be safe, I don’t think I will be running any marathons anytime soon!

***

Edit to add: Found it! The answer from nycgirl here is loaded with useful facts about glycogen.  Evidently even a walker like me has several hundred grams of the stuff, and it is always used in the beginning of any exercise (thus the low pulse during the first quarter, I guess). With slow and steady exercise, fat is burned but together with glycogen. This is probably which happens after I am fully warmed up.  I still don’t know what the trigger threshold is that causes my pulse to rise to the next level (after an hour or so, in my case). I also don’t know where the trigger is for the forced “recharge” after exercise.  Saturday I spent 1300 calories, and did get the recharge effect. Today 800 and nothing.  So more studies are in order.