Who on Earth am I? I seem to be the guy who, instead of a normal conscience like most people, have a Guardian Angel or something mess up my electronics until I stop making excuses for my greed.
See yesterday’s entry for context. Today I took my 1 day old Galaxy Note back to the shop where I bought it. They fiddled with it for half an hour or so, trying various settings, then trying the SIM card in another phone, then the other card in the Note. Conclusion: This particular Galaxy Note was faulty and had to be sent for repair. Be sure to bring everything that came in the box.
Now, me having bought this at that same shop 1 day ago, I reasonably proposed they simply replace it with another. I even reset it to factory settings, erasing everything I had downloaded or written to it. Unfortunately, they could not do that. They claimed to not have any left, although I wonder if that would have been the case if I were there to buy one instead. Possibly – the overwhelming majority of Norwegians have more money than I, and it is close to Christmas, and the model is brand new.
With the Galaxy Tab, it took weeks to even be allowed to buy it, and even to the day I got it there were mysterious delays. So I don’t hold it unlikely that it will disappear for weeks, or months, or forever (I better get some kind of written statement as to having handed it in). Â Or I suppose I could just keep the defective unit and use Opera Mini, which for some obscure reason worked when I tried it this afternoon.
It is a pretty tiny tribulation compared to poor Batsheba and King David, who lost their first son even though David (at least) regretted his sin, fasted and slept on the floor. Of course, my lust was not anywhere near King David level, and I didn’t have anyone killed to get my hands on their Galaxy Note. Although it does seem that I, unintentionally, have deprived some poor guy of his Christmas present (if they really did sell out).
Oh, and for those who wonder why God would punish an innocent baby for his parents’ adultery, the answer is probably that God didn’t. The baby has not yet formed attachments to this world. When its spirit returns to Heaven, angels receive it and welcomes it home. That is what I believe. If you have any doubt that babies come from Heaven and belong there, just look into their eyes.
But for a parent, the loss of a child is more or less like the loss of one’s own life, except it goes on for a long time. Poor Batsheba. But that’s another long story which is not mine to tell. Probably. I should probably not preach about religion, but lie low for a while and lick my wounded pride, if any.
On the other hand, the instruction booklet reminds me to not bite or suck on the Note’s battery. It also warned me to not destroy my nails when taking off the back case. I wonder if I really am the target group for this one… And evidently, Heaven is not convinced either. But then Heaven rarely is when I do impulse shopping of electronics. I should be used to that by now.
I hope that this is not an indication of the overall quality of this product. That would make me very, very leery. Basically, when they return it, you will have paid full price for a refurbished one (your own), won’t you have?
We had them read the story of David fasting and praying for the baby to be spared at Garrett’s funeral. The point the pastor made was that at the end, when the baby died, David’s servants were even afraid to tell him of the death because they were afraid of what he’d do. He’d been so upset while the baby lived, they feared he’d really go off the deep end when he found it had died. But instead David had his servants bring him a clean robe and he got up and ate and drank. He rightly saw that God’s decision had been made and his job was, now, to accept it.
It’s a good message on many levels.
I don’t think your “lust” was wicked. You haven’t shed all your earthly desires, of course, but you only have so much earthly time. Acquiring things that you like, within reason, is not bad. You are certainly “within reason”. You aren’t causing children to go hungry. You aren’t living in a ridiculous, extravagant lifestyle (for your surroundings, at least, although that would be different in the third world), and even if you did take someone’s Christmas present, which I doubt, you certainly deserve a Christmas present of your own.
I know of few examples of people who have truly cast everything away and followed Christ. It seems a difficult line to walk. If you cast all away, you are unable to help others in need. If you don’t cast all away, how do you know how much you should? And, if you don’t cast all away, are you truly following instructions?
The story about David is not a pretty one, but it is still a great story. Perhaps just because it is not pretty. Sometimes God has to deal with people He loves who do absolutely horrible things. I’m glad He is up to it. I sincerely hope never to murder anyone to take their spouse, but in God’s eyes I definitely have my own problems.
Buying Android tablets is not really the worst of it, no. I don’t think it quite qualifies even as a “venal sin”. But the contrast to St Teresa and John of the Cross, who I am studying recently, is rather stark. BTW, Teresa is awesome as usual.
The things I’ve read about her make me really identify with her. Not that I’m like her, but I wish I were, because what she says is much along the lines of what I think. Weirdly so, sometimes.
I didn’t mean I thought you literally thought it was a sin. I just meant that you are a good person, way better than most (unless you are really an axe murderer or something over there and neglect to mention it on here . . . after all, I suppose you COULD be and have created this alternate persona . . . ), and that you deserve things that you enjoy simply as a person instead of a highly evolved spiritual being. Which you also are. But you’ll have eternity to be a spiritual being, and only a short time to be in flesh! Although I hope your fleshly existence continues for many years.
Perhaps the spirits in us now were once incarnated in two nuns under Teresa’s supervision. That would explain why she is so familiar to us. It would also explain MY love life. O_o
More seriously, I just today read a quote in the book _Fire Within_, which is the one I refer to about the two saints. I should write about in more detail sometime I feel less sinful. Anyway, it says: “God allows us to have what we want, and if we want these things, we may have them. But together with them we will not have God in a deep communion.”
(This was about things like “minor disobediences”, “worldly amusements and expensive tastes”.)
My disobedience is profound.
I am filled with gratitude and delight in God’s creation around me, though, which is a reward unto itself. Seeing God in the people and things that one encounters is a gift, and it is not always given. I fail constantly at this with many people and things, but through no virtue of my own I seem to see God’s beauty in the nouns around me if I am in my default state. It takes very little to knock me out of my default state, however, and it’s often hard to return to it. I’m not sure how this jives with “worldly amusements”, but I hope it has some mitigating value!
As far as “expensive tastes”, I like beautiful things, but I own few truly “expensive” things. I do try to buy quality products when they are available and reasonable, of course, both because of the whole “you get what you pay for” adage and because they are generally more aesthetically pleasing than inferior products.
Quality in workmanship can also be seen, in a way, as a human using the gifts they were given by God in a careful, meticulous manner. Whether a person makes a cathedral, a painting, or a pair of shoes using their gift, I do appreciate beautiful craftsmanship. That does not mean that I want to own everything made in this manner, just that I am happy that I am allowed to be in the presence of such things. They are examples of the beauty with which God fills our world. (Of course, I don’t sit around coveting them . . . or at least that seldom happens, and I try to remind myself to stop when it sneaks in!)
Minor (and sometimes rather major) disobediences are still mine, obviously. If I weren’t so bad, though, I am not sure I would fully (or that I DO fully) appreciate Jesus’ gift. I guess I would still appreciate it as the beautiful thing it was/is, but it wouldn’t have the heart-stoppingly awesome personal implications that it does.
Not that we sinners (my and my crowd, of course . . . I am fairly certain that you’re not included in my ilk!) should continue being sinners so that we can continue to receive Christ’s gift, but . . . I’m sure you know what I’m trying to say better than I can say it.
Generally, Creation continues to amaze me and make me very happy. (Political shit notwithstanding.)
I sincerely hope I am included in your ilk, at least in my best moments.
Here’s a quote from the same book that I think describes your attitude to the created world (and I don’t disagree):
“If we were to present to an aboriginal tribe a portable computer without giving any explanation of it, the men and women could handle, touch, shake and visually examine it at great length and yet could reach no knowledge of computers in general or of this one in particular. Because they have no idea of its origin and purposes, they are almost completely ignorant of its actual reality, So also, if we know creation only on a natural level and aside from its divine Author and purpose, we are next to totally in the dark about it.”
-Fr. Thomas Dubay, _Fire Within_.