…a person who is like a doorway into a realm of light?

At least the graphics are much improved, compared to my original “Immunity to sadness” entry, on October 14, 1999. Yes, it really is that long ago, less than a year from the start of my archives.

Back then I observed that I mostly had only two moods: Happiness, and fear of death. Happiness most of the time, and then when I was sick it turned to the other. But there were no other emotions, at least worth talking about.

Things are really not much different after all this time, as I mentioned in my previous entry. I am not absolutely sure the overwhelming feelings of joy inside are more intense now. I would think so, but it is hard to remember clearly how one felt more than a decade ago.

Actually, when I looked at the picture above, I remembered that entry, but not in detail. I did remember my strange comment that I was more afraid of the brightness inside than the darkness inside.  And as you may guess from comparing the pictures, this seems even more relevant today. As if inside me, still locked in the basement, there is this person who is like a doorway into a realm of overwhelming light. And I am not sure whether it is me or not.

Obviously I mean this figuratively. I think there is very small chance that I will spontaneously combust. Less chance than my computers doing so, certainly. In a physical sense, at least. But there is, I think, a definitive risk of what is described in another of my favorite Japanese songs:

My thoughts will some day reach my destiny,
and I will discover my overwhelming strength,
in the infinitely distant sky.