I wonder if this is the image I project these days?

It is not just the buttpics that seem out of place. Reading some of my old attempts at novels, I can’t help but think they are less decent than I would like to write now.

On the other hand, they are a lot more fun to read. The indecency, such as it is, is mostly humorous and pretty harmless by modern standards. (Although by the standards of St Teresa, it is probably extremely sinful and would cause her to pray loudly for my soul for many hours, if she thought it could be saved at all. Actually I have known some people like that. They belonged to the Christian Church popularly called “Smith’s Friends”. I would not be surprised if they were actually saints too.)

Anyway, the wardrobe malfunctions and misunderstood double entendres are only a small part of what makes these writings fun. The best part is the dialog, which is probably subconsciously inspired by my own childhood. The rapid, deadpan banter between us boys was amazing and hilarious, and even now in our adult life we can impress people with our improvised comedy show when we get together.  I can’t say I have seen or heard anything like it, although some Japanese comedy comes pretty close. So that is something I like to weave into my stories. Or liked to.

I am not sure I can do that anymore. Reading it, I feel like I could not possibly write anything like this again. The playful “voices in my head” – inspirations, though-clusters – have largely moved out and given room for more mature, wise, spiritual voices. OK, “more” does not really say much in this context. But anyway, I am not sure I can be funny anymore.

I may have grown up, finally. Except I still play either Sims 2 or 3 pretty much every day. And sometimes even City of Heroes. There is a new “Issue” – a free expansion – rolling out in the coming week. Belatedly it introduced soloing Incarnate (endgame) content. When I heard of it, I thought: ‘Too bad they didn’t do that before I started taking my life more seriously.’ I would probably have played it day and night, even a couple years ago.

Ah, I wonder who I will be in the future, if any. Probably not a comedian, but there are other forms of happiness. I hope I can find some way to share those.